Right now it’s 7:30 on Monday morning. This is the third post that I have written that will have to wait to be published. “Well, I asked for it” and “Disambiguation” are posting on Tuesday and Wednesday respectively, so this one will go out on Thursday. Out of respect for my current manager and the company for whom I’ve worked for the past 18 years, no posts about my move to Maine are going out until I’ve spoken with my manager face-to-face. And since I work from home on Mondays, that conversation is going to have to wait until tomorrow (the day before yesterday, by the time this posts).
My need to WRITE about all of this, though, will NOT wait. So perhaps I will just keep adding to THIS post so that eventually real time will catch up with my blog.
Soon I will have the ocean. In moments of panic – the ones that usually occur in the middle of the night while I lay sleepless – I think about having proximity to the ocean once again. And all of the breathing that will ensue once I plunk my butt and my toes in the sand.
11:45: Just got off the phone with my new boss and officially accepted the position. Then I scheduled a meeting with my current boss for 9:30 tomorrow morning to break the news. I also spent some time this morning drafting what will be my “So Long and Thanks For All the Fish” e-mail to my various friends and colleagues. You don’t realize how many people have influenced your life until you try to put together a distribution list for something like this.
It’s 8:00 a.m. I meet with my manager in an hour and a half to break the news to him that I’m leaving. I’ve started recognizing the finite nature of a lot of things about my life here in AZ. “The number of times I’m going to walk through these doors is limited to what I can count on my fingers and toes.” “How many more evenings will we lay in this bed, watching this TV, in this room? I wonder what our next bedroom is going to look like?” “I can totally decline that meeting because it’s happening in July and I won’t be here!” “How many more times can I fit in dinner at Espo’s before I leave?”
I read Britt’s post today about how happiness takes guts. It was timely for my day, for our point in life. To quote her:
You are looking, reading, thinking about how to be happier tomorrow than you are today, or happier tonight than you were this morning. Not everyone does that. Not everyone has the courage to go looking. But you do. So I mean it when I say this to you:
I know that you have the courage to be happier.
And it’s a good thing, because you’re going to need it.
I’m having a lot of fun mapping out how long it takes to get to certain places from the vicinity of Portland, Maine, and finding all kinds of places I want to explore. Quebec, Montreal, Nova Scotia, Cape Cod, Rockland, Portsmouth, Boston, Montpelier, Isle Au Haut, Martha’s Vineyard… if we wanted to, we could drive to New York City in 5 hours, or Washington DC in 8 hours. Oh, the pictures I will take.
12:20: Well, my meeting with my manager went well. He congratulated me and thanked me for all of my hard work. I’m not sure when he’s going to tell the rest of the group, but the word is trickling out since I posted Well, I asked for it. A few of my fellow AcronymCo employees follow me on Facebook. So the cat is out of the bag.
I had one more meeting after the one I had with my manager, then I met Bill for lunch at Red Robin. I was starving beforehand, and now the food sits like a lump of concrete in my abdomen.
Anxiety wreaks havoc on my digestive system. I’m considering asking for a refill on my Xanax.
I’m going to need to write down a lot of these details as they happen, since I have a feeling that once all of this stuff is behind us and we’ve settled into our “new normal” the details will be extremely blurry. Hell, they seem blurry in the very moment in which I am living them.
8:30: Just sent my official resignation letter to my manager, and faxed my official acceptance letter to my new company. No turning back now! Not that I wanted to. I have a laundry list of things to get done before my last work day. I want to leave things in good shape for whomever is going to be assigned as my coverage. And yet… ALLLLLLLLLLLLLL I want to is sit and read Explorer’s Guide Maine, which I bought for my Kindle a few days ago. Maine has a LOT of nooks and crannies. It’s going to be awesome to explore. I wonder if I can get a local newspaper to sponsor a weekly “Tourism in your home state” kind of thing? Because it’s weird, but a lot of the native Mainers I know never bother to actually, you know, explore. I certainly didn’t until I moved away and then started coming back every year or two for vacation. And now I want to see All! The! Things!
3:15: Whittled my inbox down from 236 to a respectable 81. I actually managed to be productive, thanks in part to just plugging my earbuds into my head and letting Google Play Music All Access zone me out. I signed up for their free trial. I judge it to be decent thus far. I can actually look up and listen to whole albums without having to buy them.
I just realized I only have two more “work from home” days before I’m done at AcronymCo (Monday the 27th is a holiday). This is a luxury that I think I won’t have at the new company. I’m also losing a week of vacation a year until I’ve been there for seven (or is it five?) years, when I’ll get back to four. And they don’t have sabbaticals every seven years. So, I’m giving up quite a bit of free time by moving to this new job. But it’s WHERE I want to be, so I think that makes up for it. Like I said in this entry,
I will be losing a lot, by leaving this life that I live right now. But I consider it worth it for the things I will gain.
You know what’s weird? I wrote that entry on July 12, 2012. A year and three days later, I’m starting my new job in Maine. My prediction of that entry:
And it’s happening, just about a year from now. The clock is ticking. As soon as I’m finished with my degree, and I only have four classes left. Then I will be eligible for all of those jobs who wouldn’t consider sixteen years of experience equal to a degree. I could apply to those jobs reserved for new and recent college graduates.
Once the job is secured, everything else follows at a rapid pace.
Once the job is secured, I take that gulp and I take that leap.
Hello, gulp. Hello, leap. Right on time.