January 11, 2005
There's an entry from yesterday, too. And also, huh! I've written three days in a row (even though I didn't actually *post* three days in a row)
Sigh. I am tired all. the. time. At any given point on any given day, I could fall right asleep within seconds. Sometimes, at lunch, I drive home and take a quick nap, then drive back to work, and skip eating altogether. I did this today, and had a solid 45 minute nap with Oz. Plus, bonus! I'm doing this purposefully tousled bed-heady thing with my hair lately, which means I can wake up from rolling my head around on the pillow and still not have to fix my hair.
Sometimes, at lunch, the actual act of driving seems like way too much, and I'm tempted to curl up in the back seat of the truck and take a nap right there in the AcronymCo parking lot. Just keep a pillow and blanket in the back seat and I'm good to go. Except that I have this fear of waking up to find a crowd of people staring at me through the windows. Plus, I wouldn't want to go back into the building without the ability to check my appearance first. I could have chicken hair, or a seam imprint on my forehead, or something.
The cause of my tiredness is not at all hard to pinpoint. I haven't gotten a good, uninterrupted, comfortable night's sleep in, literally, YEARS. Lately my back and neck pain prevent me from getting comfortable for any stretch of time. And then there's the completely wacked-out dreams that I have on a nightly basis. I mean, how can one rest peacefully when there's an action-adventure saga playing out in one's mind?
I'm not so sure what I can do to calm the dreams down. It may be a product of my meds, it may be a mental manifestation of stress (that I don't actually feel, much, because of the meds), it may be too much CSI. It's not late-night snacking, since I don't tend to do that. So. No idea. If I could sleep through the night without waking up, I don't think I'd mind the dreams too much. They make sleep interesting, at any rate.
As for getting comfortable, I think I need to change my mattress. I'm undecided between a Sleep Number Bed, or a SoftPedic Memory Foam Bed. I've seen good and bad reviews for both of them, so I have no idea what to think. I've pretty much reconciled myself to the fact that I'm going to have to pay out the ass for one of these things, but I'll sacrifice money if it'll help me sleep well. I would love any advice that anyone has to offer, if anyone has had experience with either of these types of mattresses - or if you have a suggestion for something different/better. My particular issue is neck, shoulder, and upper back pain. Shoot an e-mail my way!
I confess that if it were possible for sleeping to be a hobby, I'd be all over that. I LOVE to sleep. I never consider it a waste of time, like I'm sleeping my life away or missing out or something. Because I'm sleeping, and that's one of life's pleasures in and of itself. Sometimes I experience actual joy as I slide into the sheets, either for a nap or at night, alone or cuddled up next to Calvin, with the purring cat forcing his way under the covers and pressing up against my side. My favorite time to sleep is in the middle of the afternoon during a rainstorm. Ahh, ecstasy. I'm even tempted to take a day off from work if it's raining outside, just to indulge in my love of storm-sleeping. It needs to be dim or dark, it needs to be quiet, and it needs to be cool so that it's a pleasure to snuggle down deep under the comforter. The window needs to be open so I can hear the rain and let it lull me to sleep. Then, when I wake up to a chilled house, I'll put my robe on, make myself a cup of hot tea, and finish waking up curled up on the couch.
Man. Now I've REALLY talked myself out of wanting to be at work today. Not that it takes much under any circumstances.
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