January 19, 2005

Gun To Your Head

This violently titled entry brought to you by The Usual Suspects. Monday's Assignment on the boards was to post "Gun To Your Head" threads (as in, someone's holding a gun to your head and you HAVE to make a choice), to which we post what our choice would be and why. I asked and received permission to just roll up all of my answers here. I thought I was being efficient (lazy), but in the end this was more of a pain in the ass than if I had just posted my answers on the boards. But then I couldn't have shared with my non-TUS readers (and WHY aren't you a member of TUS? Hmmm??), so I guess my hard work is not without benefit.

GTYH: Torrid Affair or No Go?

First, here are the assumptions given for this question:
1.) You are single, or your partner/spouse/lover agrees to this without question.
2.) The celebrity involved is single, or his/her partner/spouse/lover agrees to this without question.

GTYH: Your absolute favorite, lust-inducing, want-him/her-no-matter-what celebrity's agent calls you one day to tell you that said celebrity wishes to whisk you away for a week-long torrid, hot, sexual affair. The only stipulation? You must sign a binding contract that states, no matter what the circumstance, you may never, ever breathe a word of this to anyone, or else be fined $200 million dollars. If you make a deathbed confession, your family will assume this liability. Assume that all e-mails, letters, private conversations and whispers will immediately be known by this celebrity.

Would you take him/her up on the offer, or tell him/her to shove it?

Well, it says under #1 that my spouse would agree to this without question, so he'd have to know, right? If I couldn't tell him, then no. But if he could be in on it, then HELL YES. Deciding whether or not to do it isn't the hard part. It's deciding between LL Cool J or The Rock. THAT's the conundrum.

GTYH: Choose and Lose

Okay, crazy person with a gun to your head tells you that you have to make a choice here at TUS. You must choose to forever and ever lose access to either The Lobby or The Back Alley. You can still read all the other forums, but you will never again be able to read or write any posts in either The Lobby or The Back Alley. Which one do you choose to lose and why?

Hmm. I'd have to say The Back Alley. A lot more happens in The Lobby. Besides which, arguments break out in other places that I can gawk at, too.

GTYH: Test Choices

Are you more likely to do the Baby Fever Test or the Booty Call Test?

Booty Call.

GTYH: Great Relationship or Great Sex

You must choose one:

1. Great sex with your partner. Earth-shaking, teeth-rattling, oh-my-God sex. Everything else is shit.

2. A fantastic relationship. Your partner is kind and funny and supportive and your home life is a joy. But there is no sex.

You can not cheat on the side. You can't leave. You can't arrange a hit and then find a partner who'll do the nasty and also participate as a spouse/significant other.

Choose and tell us why.

Crap. This is tough. I mean, of course I'd want #2 above all else, since #1 would just be the icing on the cake. But the icing is sooooo good. Besides, if all else is as crappy as #1 suggests, then I probably wouldn't WANT to have sex with that person. I don't bone with those I don't like. So. #2. Um, I can have battery operated devices, right?

GTYH: Books or Sex?

GTYH choice: Give up one, books or sex. Which do you keep?

I can feel Calvin paying very, very close attention to this one. Because he'd say that I'd say I'd give up sex. Except that I'm not gonna - I'd rather give up books than sex. And I'd make Calvin read to me. Unless I wasn't married to Calvin. Then I'd give up sex. Heh.

GTYH: Cheese or Chocolate?

Give one up. Forever. And yes, it would include Yoo-Hoo and Cheetos and other barely-cheese or -chocolate items.

It would be hard, but you know? I didn't really have to mull this one over too much. I'd rather give up chocolate over cheese. Cheese is everywhere, whereas chocolate is pretty much limited to desserty type things. For instance, I can't have Chocolate Cheesecake (which is both chocolate and cheese! oh, how is it defined?!?), but I can have Strawberry Cheesecake. I can't have chocolate cream pie, but I can have coconut cream pie. I can't have hot chocolate, but I can have nachos. Don't even get me started on Hershey's Kisses over a grilled cheese sandwich. I rest my case.

GTYH: Reading or Writing?

You can only do one for the rest of your life. Which will it be: reading? Or writing?

Another tough one. I was automatically going to say that I'd give up writing, but it caused a twinge in me to think of giving up my journaling. But, yes, still I'd rather give up writing than reading. I lose myself far more in my reading than my writing. I'd have to have another sanity outlet to replace my writing, though, or I'd be a basket case.

GTYH: Vacuuming or Cooking/Cleaning

These are your choices: Either you have to vacuum your living room thoroughly every day, or you have to cook a meal every day and do the dishes afterward. Every single day, indefinitely. Which do you pick? The meal can be anything (breakfast, lunch or dinner) but it must involve actually cooking and dirtying some dishes and you have to do the dishes immediately afterward -- no getting around it by eating a frozen dinner or eating on paper plates or just microwaving something.

Heh. This is easy. I'd vacuum the living room every day. It's wee. And tiled. And the rules don't state that I can't cook at ALL, so if I vacuumed every day, I could still occasionally cook. And still make Marie clean up after me. Heh.

GTYH: Your Pets or Your House?

You're offered the chance to finally get your dream home - in whatever location you desire. The house has everything you ever wanted.

However, in order to take it, you have to give up your pets - every single one of them. Not only will you not be able to see them again, you will not be told what happens to them and you won't be allowed to get any new ones in your new house, ever.

Which do you choose? The dream home or the critters?

Heather is going to jump ALL OVER me for this, but I'd rather have my dream house. The twinge-factor is that I wouldn't know what happened to Oz, Gypsy, and Gadget. Plus, the rules state that I can't have new ones IN my new house. Not that I can't have outdoor dogs and cats, and horses!

The caveat, of course, being that we get this new house free and clear, with at least 50 acres of land, on the ocean, and it comes with a yacht, jet-skis, a private helicopter, and a horse ranch. Plus all the money we'll ever need to keep and maintain such a place. THAT's what I mean by "free and clear". So! I think I'll be keeping the animals.

GTYH: The Perfect Shoes or The Perfect Jeans?

You are shopping and you find the most comfortable, most beautiful, most classic pair of shoes you've ever seen. You also find a pair of jeans that fit you as if they were custom-made, the world's most perfect jeans, the jeans that make you look like a model. You can only have one. Which is it?

Another easy one. Jeans. I live in jeans. My ass looks great in jeans. I LOVE jeans. If I had to choose between looking good in jeans or looking good in a bathing suit, I'd still pick the jeans, and hang the 115 degree Arizona summers.

GTYH: Fucking or Head

You must give up either fucking or head, forever and ever Amen.

What's it gonna be?

Um? Giving or receiving? Or both? I'll just assume they mean both. Which means it'll have to be head that I give up. Um, or wait, no. Yes. Gah! I'll take the bullet, please.

(The heads of any relations reading right now are exploding this very second.)

GTYH: Pick One

Capture Osama Bin Laden, but Bush gets another term.

or

Guaranteed Peace in the world for the next ten years.

I'd say guaranteed peace. Because that would mean that Bin Laden wasn't up to anything bad, and Bush wasn't screwing things up, internationally speaking. Then, we can hope that Bin Laden gets hit by a bus sometime in that ten years, and Bush's successor is capable of maintaining the peace.

GTYH: Foreign or Domestic Policy

If one candidate had a brilliant plan for foreign policy (and a crappy domestic policy plan) and the other candidate had the opposite who would you vote for? (Assumed that this a position where the elected would have an equal influence over foreign and domestic policies.)

Man, some good questions! I think I'd have to go with the candidate that has a good foreign policy, but a poor domestic policy. If he/she pisses off the entire population of this country, it's still less than the population of the rest of the world. And we're not going to bomb ourselves because of a bad domestic policy. Screw up foreign relations, though, and we run a good chance of starting wars.

GTYH: Men or Women?

Starting tomorrow, we're dividing the world up into separate spaces for men and women, and you're the only one who gets to pick which group you'll join. For the rest of your life, the only people you will be talking to, working with, socializing with, sleeping with, etc. will be one gender or the other. Your immediate family is the only exception; you can keep in touch with your parents, siblings, and kids of both genders.

Which is it going to be? Only men in your life, only women, or the bullet?

It's raining men, hallelujah, it's raining men!!! Amen!

GTYH: Fun or Money?

You must choose between a job you really enjoy but doesn't pay much and never will, or a job you know will suck your soul but will pay big big bucks.

Well, I have a moderately soul-sucking job right now (not that it pays big bucks) and I seem to be surviving okay. If they paid me four times as much as I'm making now, I'd happily deal with the suck. I've never had a job that I can say I really enjoyed, so I don't really know what I'm missing. But if I make tons of bucks, I can make sure that my life outside of work is crazy-fun.

Now, if Calvin were paid millions of dollars a year, I'd quit in a heartbeat and work for a garden nursery or give horseback riding lessons. Or read to kindergarten students every day at the library. Or be a potato picker in Aroostook County, for heaven's sake. Kids in school get 3 weeks off to help out with potato picking before the Potato Blossom Festival. I bet I'd be voted Little Miss Potato Blossom, and hang the age limit. (I provide links so you guys don't think I'm making this stuff up. I miss Maine.)

GTYH: Macs Not Allowed

Gun to your head, for the OS you have to use for the rest of your life, Windows (without the Unix utilities) or Unix (without the GUI)?

Um, yeah. Moving on...

GTYH: Daily Naked Photos or Unsolicited Advice?

You have to choose one of these options for your online journal or weblog, and quitting the journal is NOT an option.

You have a public online journal which is read by your coworkers, every member of your family, and all of your neighbors. The guy holding the gun is not giving you the option of quitting the journal or going anonymous. Instead, he is making you choose: post a naked daily photo of yourself, or post detailed accounts of the problems you are having in your life. Either way you are required to have an open, unmoderated comments section with the header, "Please, advice and comments are welcome!"

So which do you want? Strangers commenting on the state of your naked ass, or your mother and coworkers debating your life choices? Death is not an option. Choose one.

Another one to horrify the relatives with. I'd actually rather post pictures of my nekkid lilly white ass than receive a load of unsolicited advice, from strangers and family alike. They'd eventually get used to the sight of my blinding whiteness, and it will cease to effect them. I, however, will never cease being annoyed by stupid advice for things in my life that nobody else has the right to comment on.

GTYH: Britney or J-Lo?

Gun to your head, you have to spend one month as the personal assistant to either Britney Spears or Jennifer Lopez.

Whom do you choose and why?

I'll take the bullet, please.

GTYH: Where Would You Vacation?

If you could pick only one place that you could travel to ever again (for vacation and relaxation purposes), where would it be? You could still go other places, but only for non-vacation reasons (and you couldn't do anything vacation-y while you were there).

But for purposes of this question, assume that you are given the money to go anywhere in the world you want to for a week a year. But you can never go anywhere else.

Well, assuming that this means I can never go back to Maine unless it's on business, I'd have to choose Maine as my vacation spot. BUT, if I ever move back to Maine, Maui will most certainly be my vacation spot. I could go there a million times and not get tired of it.

GTYH: Addictive Stuff

Which of these sites would you pick as the more addictive?

Viking Tower

or

Mastermind

Mastermind. The fucker. I don't think it's possible to win, or else there's a glitch in the program. It tells me on one line that I have the correct color ball in the correct spot, but then in the next line when I place it in the same spot, it shows as either the wrong color altogether or in the wrong spot.

Grrrrr.

GTYH: Buffy or Firefly?

You've got two choices: A new TV series set in the Buffyverse starring your favorite character (e.g., Willow, Faith, Giles, Lorne), or the return of Firefly. You may also -- or instead -- get a series of movies in the chosen universe. (Either way, this takes effect after Serenity is released.) The series is guaranteed to air until Joss gets tired of it, and choosing one cuts off all hope of ever getting the other.

Gun to your head: which do you choose? And what form would you want it to take?

Firefly! The Buffy chapter is closed in my life, but I just got teased with the one bare season of Firefly. I'd like it to be a weekly TV show so I can get a regular fix. That would give me happiness, and also joy.

GTYH: Forum or Chat?

If you had to give up access to either the forum or chat, forever, what would you pick?

I'd probably give up chat. Not that I don't enjoy it, but I'm on the forums MUCH more often than chat, and I can access the forums from work, where chat is inaccessible to me.

GTYH: Cure Cancer or AIDS?

You are the Prez of the National Institutes of Health and have the entire US research budget in your hand. But you can't distribute it between fields, you must chose one area of research. You have the near-certainty that the one disease you place the entire budget on will be cured, but you will create a terrible setback in research in all others. Gun to your head, would you go all out on Cancer or AIDS?

Man, these folks don't believe in the easy, morally non-dillemac questions, do they? I would say to concentrate on Cancer, since there are so many forms of it and we haven't been able to pinpoint all the possible causes or ways to avoid it. AIDS has a clear cause, and it is understood how a person can avoid contracting it. If I were to justify the choice based on numbers alone, in 2002 2,777,000 people died of AIDS, and 3,333,000 people died of various forms of Cancer. AIDS has been around since the 1981, and Cancer has been around since 2500 BC. So, logically, Cancer has claimed many more lives and has been a longer burden on society.

Not that I think either disease should be prioritized over the other, I'm just offering an explanation of my logic.

GTYH: Cake or Pie?

This was only mentioned, not actually posted as a thread, but why not. If you had to give up one for life, would it be cake or pie?

I would give up pie. I like cake better. I would hold a yearly memorial, however, for the absence of my dear and beloved friend, the coconut cream pie.

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