February 14, 2001

I rebel.

This entry is only going to be a little bit about Valentine's Day. I wrote Calvin a Valentine letter, like I do every year. He gave me a card and a stuffed plush puppy, which Kye freaked out over. She thought it was real. We gave the kids small tokens, which Calvin shopped for *all by himself*. I was way impressed, and pleased. Warm fuzziness abounds. We all love each other to death in a sickening way.

And that's all I'm going to say about that. Because...

I. Hate. My. Job.

Yep. It's gonna be one of *those* entries.

I really REALLY need to find some other line of work. Preferably one that I enjoy. Which allows me to set my own hours (noon to 3:00 Tuesday through Thursday would be just fine). I hate things here at AcronmyCo in a general way and in specific ways.

I hate this one Security guy that I'm being forced, once again, to work with. I thought he was out of my hair for good, when the Security organization reorganized and he became the rep of another site. But they've reorganized again. And he's baaaack. He's inept. He's lazy. He's stupid. He takes no ownership for *anything*. He has itty bitty feet and a stupid haircut. Okay, sorry, no personal attacks. He's just been reassigned to my team and already he's bowing out of meetings and avoiding projects. I can't ask for another rep to work with because there *is* no other rep.

My boss drives me nuts. Every day he has an "oh my god it's gotta get done RIGHT NOW" urgent project, which he expects me to dedicate 100% of my already-packed day resolving, and then doesn't even remember it the next day. He contacts me several times throughout the day for "updates", forgets about it for three weeks, and then comes up with an "Oh, by the way, how did that turn out?" He promises my services to other people without checking on my bandwidth. He stands me up regularly for our meetings. He failed to get me the promotion I've been striving for for three years, which my former boss said was in the bag for this year's review. He passes me over in staff meetings, in favor of the comments his current favorite in the group has to offer. He yells at his wife on the phone, and calls her his "old lady".

Dust bunnies abound. Not the cute, fuzzy dust bunnies, but dust bunnies ala the hamster in "The Nutty Professor II: The Clumps". Large, buck-toothed, violent beasties. AcronymCo's cleaning vendor is worthless. This stuff probably carries disease, mites, and other nasties as it floats about and rests in corners, on my monitor, behind my picture frame. I will have to break down this week, come in dressed in my grubbies, and clean my damned cubicle myself. Oh yeah, *this* is what they pay me the big bucks for.

I hate it when other people call a meeting, then call me a half-hour before the meeting starts saying they're "going to be late" and would I "please chair the meeting instead". Sure. Fine. You want fries with that bullshit sandwich?

I hate the idiot who posted the sign at the lunchroom sink that says "Please do not clean dishes in sink. Clogs drain easily."

I hate that I have to worry every time I go to the fridge that someone may have stolen my lunch.

I violently hate: meeting minutes, bar graphs, mission meetings, dog and pony shows, the ten minute rule, malfunctioning teleconference equipment, 8:00 meetings, 4:00 meetings, *5:00* meetings, any meeting that happens on a Friday, any meeting that happens on a Monday, any meeting that happens during lunch, staff meetings, overhead projectors, foils, foil pens, attendance sheets, indicator reports, inclusion activities, round robin introductions, BIN lists, whiteboard drawings, roadmaps, the phrase "key stakeholders", the phrase "rat hole", side conversations, squeaky chairs, food left behind by previous conference room occupants, BO left behind by previous conference room occupants, sitting down in a pre-warmed chair (ugh!), flickering florescent lights, "effective meeting skills", agendas, hidden agendas, future agendas, standing agendas, open agendas, reviews, approvals, disagreements, the phrase "disagree and commit", rolling eyes, heaved sighs, tapping pencils, overt derision, covert undermining, and boredom.

I passionately hate: the parking garage, the cafeteria lines, the inoperative microwaves, the disgusting coffee, Security guards who know you by name but won't let you in the building if they don't see your badge (okay, so this is their job, but still), engineers who don't listen to me, technicians who don't listen to me, managers who "knew me when" and don't take me seriously, enthusiasm and support for my projects which peters out after a week, lab coats, the extraordinary unhelpfulness of our I.T. organization, awards with no monetary compensation, misspelled names on plaques, spending cutbacks, "customer" parking spaces, perpetually occupied cardio equipment in AcronmyCo's gym, dysfunctional water fountains, downsized cubicles, shared colds and illnesses, hallway meetings, windowlessness, "mandatory" meetings, loud cubicle neighbors, and the "no radios" rule.

I so want out of this job, but the only thing that keeps me here is the paycheck and the benefits. They're significant enough that I take big bites of the shit sandwich on a daily basis and keep on keepin' on. And our debt is large enough to motivate me to continue to do so. I've reached the point where I'm almost too depressed to get out of bed in the morning. I have no energy with which to address my work. I catch myself overwhelmed and all I can do is stare off into space. In other words, I'm suffering from classic AcronymCo burn-out. It's why they offer a two-month sabbatical every seven years to all their employees. I'm on year number five. I hope I can make it for two more.

But wait! There's more! Other things I hate:

  • Having to get my eyebrows waxed. It just sucks.
  • Not being able to enjoy a rainy day by staying at home in bed with a book.
  • Having to go to work and school on Valentine's day instead of spending it with Calvin.
  • Homework. Of the tedious, simplistic, unchallenging kind.
  • A messy kitchen.
  • The way the cat meows to go out into the garage, then 30 seconds later meows to come back in, then 30 seconds later meows to go back out...
  • The driver's side windshield wiper on the truck.
  • The fact that the only time I'll be guaranteed to get a workout in during the day is if I go at 5:00 in the morning.
  • The fact that chocolate is not an agent for weight-loss.
  • Slim-Fast orange-pineapple drinks.
  • Having to get in the shower when I'm already cold. Then, having to get back out right when I've just warmed up.
  • Trying to dry off with a damp towel.
  • Michael's clothes piled up all over the washer and dryer.
  • Michael's clothes left on the kitchen table.
  • Music played in the kids' rooms, of which only the bass can be heard from downstairs. Thumpingly. Annoyingly. Everlastingly.
  • The phone ringing at 10:00, 11:00, 12:00 at night, and then at 6:00, 7:00, 8:00 in the morning...
  • The natural consequences of drinking 10 glasses of water a day.
  • The backyard.
  • Having to monitor our finances every single day if I want us to stay on target.
  • My inability to successfully make pie crust.
  • The feeling that I'm always having to do something that I don't want to do, or don't feel like doing, or aren't excited about.
  • Homesickness.
  • The fact that I don't look good in hats.
  • My homeowner's association.
  • The person who delivers our newspaper.
  • The fact that our GC's idiocy still continues to haunt us.
  • The garage.
  • "Change of Heart", "Jerry Springer", "Survivor", "When (insert whatever here... Animals, People, Elderly Vacationers) Attack", "The Real World" and all its spin-off's, "Blind Date", "Word on the Street", "Taxi Cab Confessions", and pretty much any reality-based television program which doesn't air on The Discovery Channel.
  • Background noise.
  • The un-soundproofed nature of our bedroom.
  • Doors that slam shut when the heat comes on, making me jump.
  • Anything that makes me jump.
  • Feeling "sound in body, but considerably rumpled in spirit" (and kudos to whoever spots that reference).
  • Things that don't work like they're supposed to.
  • Pharmaceutical commercials that list more side effects than the conditions they're supposed to cure. It makes migraine headaches bearable, yet it causes constipation, dry mouth, decreased sexual appetite, hair loss, fatigue, insomnia, thinning tooth enamel, liver damage, and purple spots? I'll deal with the headaches, thank you.
  • Commercials in which the characters claim they're feeling "not so fresh". Yarg.
  • That Taco Bell commercial that takes after Queen's "We Will Rock You". Yes. Please. Stop doing that.
  • People talking loudly on cell phones in restaurants.
  • Red lights.
  • The school bus I get stuck behind when bringing Marie home from school. But I only get stuck behind it when I have to pee really bad.
  • People who insist you try a bite of their food, after you've said "No, thank you" three times already.
  • Not being asked at all if you want to try a bite of their food.
  • Forcing myself to cook when I'd rather just go out to eat.
  • Being tired at 2:00 in the afternoon, with no nap opportunity in sight.
And now, something that has nothing to do with anything...

More Fun with Searches!

People found me by searching Google and Yahoo for:

  • maine coffee roasters
  • grandmother horny
  • school age art projects
  • varsity blues soundtrack
  • grosser than gross
  • free weights
  • listen to I finally found someone by streisand
  • factology
  • pictures of Shaq O'Neil
  • m+m candy
  • joke prioritization
  • grey ribbed turtleneck
  • housewife clothing


Your Mission, should you choose to accept it...


Actually, I think my mission will be to try to figure out a way to revamp this "mission" effort. My creativity knows limits, it seems. My lack thereof knows none.



I grabbed the design idea for the box thingy from Anna.


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Original content belongs to ME. Exceptions are noted.
©Laura Charon 2000, 2001.