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February 6, 2004 Goal Tending I've been thinking about starting up a CafePress store for a while, now. I'm trying to think of any interesting pictures, sayings, or logos, pertinent to ~Snerkology~, that would be appropriate to use on swag. Does anybody have any suggestions? Any favorite aspects of ~Snerkology~ that you'd like to have adorn your coffee mug or mouse pad? Oh, and does anybody out there know if it's some sort of copyright violation or whatever to use a BlogSticker image? Because I'm awfully fond of this one: I'm also thinking about getting rid of some of the stuff around the house via eBay. Like, the couch. And the loveseat. And the kitchen table and chairs. It's weird, all of a sudden I just look at those things and think that I'd REALLY like to just get rid of 'em and take advantage of one of the "No Interest Until 2126!" deals that are out there. So, yeah, getting rid of furniture over eBay is probably a little much - maybe I'll go with a consignment store. But there are plenty of books, clothes, and other garage-dwelling things that can be auctioned. I failed miserably at actually winning an eBay auction - maybe I'll have better luck as a seller. I adore Overstock.com. I just picked up an entire new bedding set for $180. That's comforter, shams, dust ruffle, sheets (600 tc!), and pillow cases (six of 'em). Because in a conversation I had recently with Calvin, I realized that we've been using the same stuff on our bed for six years. Six. Years. Time for an upgrade. Really, it's shocking when you stop to consider it, that so much time can pass without realizing that there's little changes in life that should happen on a more regular basis. I mean, our current bedding is *pre-HIPFH(tm)*. I bought it right after Calvin and I got together, actually, in '98. I had to do the math, just there. X(m) and I got married in August of '91. We were married for two years before we moved to AZ, so that makes it October of '93. We purchased the house the day after my 20th birthday, so that would have made it July of '94. We separated after 5 1/2 years of marriage, so that makes it February of '97. Officially divorced a year later, in February of '98, and Calvin and I got together in June of '98. Heh. Calvin and I will have been together for six years (married for two!) this June. It seems longer, and shorter, at the same time. Calvin and I have been talking a lot about our long-term goals. Whether we're going to stay in AZ, or move to another state. Whether we want to own more real estate, or have a load of money with which to travel. Decide if we want to take advantage of our debt-free status (when we get there), for one or the other of us to do a major career change and pursue personal interests while the other works. Or, stay at our jobs until we're of retirement age, sticking out the lack of personal fulfillment for the sake of good paychecks and 401k's. Amid all of this decision making, we're talking about the shudderingly grown-up task of will writing and estate planning. Calvin does. not. want to move away from Arizona. And it surprised me, how trapped that proclamation from him made me feel. "Never" is a harsh reality, and if we stay in Arizona, then I'll "never" live by the ocean, and I'll "never" have a sweet little New England farmhouse. I'll "never" live at HOME again - a shocking thought, considering that even as I left waaay back in '93, I considered it to be a short-term leave taking. Even now, sometimes I feel like I'm just on an extended vacation, and eventually I'll get back on a plane and ease right back into my fondly-remembered rural lifestyle. My stomach sunk with a gulp, and I started to feel really damned panicky. So I forced myself to really consider what it was that I actually wanted. A home that my soul responds to. Open, quiet spaces. Trees and fields and night skies packed with stars. A barn with a few horses. Cool, crisp evenings, crickets and frogs singing at night, and fireflies. A dirt driveway. Farmers markets and fruit stands. A place where I can (try to!) have a garden. Small town, rural living. I started to feel less desperate, because I know I can have that in Arizona. Up north, where the climate is quite similar to Maine, just without the ocean. And if we have vacationing money, I can see the ocean on a regular basis. Really, all I want is to *not* live in the city. I don't have to move back east to accomplish that. So. I'm calm again. From my almost-thirty-year-old perspective, it looks to me that we'll pay off credit card debt over the next few years, pay off the auto loan a bit after that, and pay off the house a bit (further) after that. I did the exceedingly grown-up thing and got the process started to re-fi our house down to a lower interest rate and a 20 year note - it represents a mere $20/month more, and we pay it off 10 years sooner. We'll look at properties up north, and either buy land a build, or buy something pre-owned. We'll talk to a financial planner sometime in the near future and make sure our retirement planning allows for the lifestyle we want - the ability to work only if we want to, the ability to own two homes (we'd keep the one in the Valley), the ability to take frequent vacations, and the availability of play and whim-purchase funds. Staying at AcronymCo seems to be the plan for me, so I'm getting this degree over with so I can make myself more pay-able. Calvin and I both want to retire at 55. Actually, I'd like to retire when *he's* 55, but I think it'd be a stretch for that to happen. But maybe not - I don't know. Like I said, a conversation with the financial planner is in order. It's such an odd, odd thing to plan one's life out like this. I mean, I'm used to planning out weeks, and even months, and marching toward the eventual achievement of the goals that were set. But planning years - from now until retirement and *beyond* - it's like putting a boundary of time on our lives. 2004, enact plan. 2007, credit debt paid off. 2008, truck paid off. 2015, house paid off. 2019, retire. 20??-20??, live according to whatever lifestyle we can afford. 20xx, the kids inherit what we didn't party away. Gah. Morbid and weird. Clocking our lives against bill payments and death. Brrr. I'm FAR more comfortable planning on how to lose 15-20 pounds before I turn thirty, and planning on purchasing Marie a car sometime within the next year, and planning our upcoming ski trip, and planning out the next couple of semesters of classes. It's just too darned scary to look too far into the future. It's not endless, and that just pisses me off. I guess we all live our lives while trying to delude ourselves into thinking that they'll discover the cure for death before it comes around to affect us. I'm *such* a perky thing for a Friday, aren't I? Comments on this entry? 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