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February 27, 2004 Under the Radar I think the days that don't have much going on in the way of news deserve to be documented just as much, if not more, than the significant events that occur fewer and farther between. Calvin and I occasionally express surprise that we don't remember the day-to-day details of our lives with our respective ex's at ALL. I mean, nothing. For me, with X(m), I don't remember what time we got up in the mornings on the weekends, or what time we went to bed. I don't remember what we usually had for dinner, or what we talked about. (I do remember not having a TV, and reading a lot. And I remember being broke ALL THE TIME. And I remember being miserable.) I'm not sure if our memory blocks are a defence mechanism resulting from the trauma of our break-ups, or if the mind has an auto-delete function for the details that just don't pertain to current life. But if the latter is the case, why do I remember my junior-high locker combination (36-17-42)?. I should back up and say that Calvin and I are not breaking up, and I'm not documenting the mundane in an effort to be able to recall details to mind after he and I have gone our separate ways. Because we aren't, and we won't. But the mundane details of our lives aren't much written about, and if they occur with such frequency and habit as to pass beneath the radar of noticing, aren't they important enough to capture? I mean, breathing isn't something we consciously think about (well, I do, but I have LimpLungs(tm)), but we do it every single day and would die without it. So. Every work day one of us makes coffee (usually Calvin, as soon as he gets up), and Calvin gets in the shower first. He brings his clothes into the bathroom to get dressed after his shower, and in the winter he wears his robe over his clothes. He turns on the beside light and the TV (news channel 3), and tells me it's time to get up. He reads the paper while I'm getting ready, and surfs the internet while he's brushing his teeth. He says "luv-bye" while I'm doing my make-up. The first call from him of the day is usually around 8:30 or so. Then another couple of calls before lunch, I call him when I'm on my way back to work after school, and we talk another two or three times in the afternoon. On the weekends, I get up first and make the coffee. I get Calvin's newspaper from the driveway, take it out of the bag, and put it on the foot of the bed. I prod Calvin awake, put a cup of coffee next to him, and surf the web while I have my first cup. We loll around in the bedroom until 11:30 or 12:00, watching something on Spike TV or The History Channel (Calvin's a WWII junkie), reading, and surfing. Then I'll either make lunch, or we'll get showered and dressed and go get something. Weeknights, when I come home from work, Calvin will already be dressed in his jammies, in front of the computer or in the living room watching TV. He'll holler "Hi, baby!" from wherever he is, when he hears me come in the door. The cat will come racing from wherever he is in the house, and talk to me and rub against me until I pick him up and snuggle him for a minute. Marie will almost always be up in her room, IM-ing and listening to her stereo. Until the fiftieth time that Calvin yells to her to do her chores ("Clean the kitchen!"), and then she'll come downstairs, and talk to us while she cleans. I'll change into my workout clothes, and either work out before dinner, or while dinner's cooking, or after dinner's done but before I eat. Dinner is ready usually about 6:30, and we'll eat while watching TV. Dinners lately have been something along the lines of grilled chicken, beef roast, tacos, hamburgers, brats, meatloaf, spaghetti, tuna and noodles, soup and sandwiches, crocked whole chicken, fettuccini alfredo, stir fry, fried pork chops, fried chicken and mashed taters, pork roast, or fast food (I think we had pizza, like, four times in the past month. Dominoes gave us two 2-liter bottles of Coke for free the last time, saying we're one of their best customers.). We'll watch TV until we go to bed, holding conversations during commercials and boring shows. Monday: CSI:Miami Tuesday: 24 Wednesday: Whichever reality TV show is on. Thursday: Friends, Will and Grace, CSI, ER Friday: Friday nights are reserved for running to the movie store and getting some weekend entertainment. Nightly: 5:00-7:00, reruns of That 70's Show, King of Queens, and Friends; 9:00-11:00 (except for Monday and Thursday), reruns of Everybody Loves Raymond, and the news. Calvin will yell, "What are you doing?" if I'm in another room for more than a minute. He'll ask, "Where are you going?" whenever I get up from the couch. Our habitual sitting positions are me, on the far left side of the couch, with my feet either tucked up under my bum, or straight out in front of me on the ottoman. Calvin will be sitting across the couch, back against the right arm, with his feet in my lap. At which time he pleads for me to "bend his fucker toe" (the toe next to his big toe), and then writhes around when I do so. He spends a lot of time up on ladders and hanging on by his toes, I guess. If I roll my eyes hard enough at his request, he'll negotiate by offering to rub my feet, too. Marie has single possession of the loveseat, unless we're watching something scary, then she's between us on the couch. Every night involves conversation, between Calvin and I, and between the three of us. They almost always take place in the kitchen (one of us puttering in the kitchen, one of us sitting on the counter, one of us sitting at the bar) or in the living room. Sometimes Marie seeks us out while Calvin and I are in the bedroom, watching TV or on the computer - most usually when she comes home after an evening spent with her mom. Recent topics of conversation between Calvin and I: work, friends, the latest contact with various family members, concern over Michael and Lilly and the baby, discussions about Marie and her friends and school, parenting in general, attitude about life and the definition of personal happiness, our relationship, our short term and long term goals, how stupid our pets are, my classes, God and whether or not he'd think we're good people. Recent topics of conversation between me, Calvin, and Marie: purchasing a car, getting a job, her friends, her boyfriend (her boyfriend, her boyfriend, her boyfriend some more), X(f) and her fiance and the relatives on her mom's side, school and how she can't let her grades slip because of the aforementioned boyfriendboyfriendboyfriend, the AIMS test, Michael and Lilly and the baby, how stupid our pets are, The OC, what happened in the last couple of weeks of 24, who's hot on TV. Friday nights are our cleaning nights - Calvin does the bathroom, the dusting, some straightening up, and the vacuuming. I do the sweeping, the mopping, the bathroom garbage and stack of newspapers on the fireplace, some straightening up, and the cat box. Marie is in charge of her own room and bathroom, the kitchen, and the kitchen garbage. (UPDATE: Holy cow, I just got home from work and Calvin had done ALL THE HOUSEWORK himself. Yes, I do know how lucky I am, thanks.) Laundry is started on Friday and usually finished up by Sunday, except for the folding and hanging up and putting away. That usually lasts until the following Wednesday or Thursday, when I finally get sick of having to dig through the laundry basket for clothes, and take care of them. Weekends, we watch whatever movies we've rented, soak in the hot tub, take naps, wrestle, and listen to the stereo. We nod significantly at each other as we say, "Woooofer", admiring the amount of bass we now posess ("Now I know y'all wanted that 8-0-8, can you feel that B-A-S-S bass"). Marie usually needs a ride to and/or from a destination, with pick-ups and drop-offs of her friends along the way. Most weekend nights, one or two of Marie's friends spend the night. Calvin and I will usually grab a few drinks at Iguana Mack's or other happy hour destination, take a motorcycle ride, or drive around and listen to the truck stereo (after burning a new mix CD). We'll hook up with friends at our house, their house, or a restaurant. And Calvin usually has some home maintenance project going on that requires a trip to Home Depot. Somewhere in there, I do my homework. I started this entry with not much of anything to say, and ended up with a much clearer understanding of the functionality of our lives, and how much we do without thinking about it. All I can say is, I'm lucky I have such a good partner in Calvin, that life can be this full and busy without being hard. I mean, all the stuff I wrote about is the automatic functionality of our lives - there's still everything at work, and everything at school, and the bills, and the budget, and the running of the household - all the "radar" stuff. I'm lucky I have such a good step-daughter, who makes parenting pretty darned easy, and who enriches my life. I'm lucky to have the love of my step-son and daughter-in-law, distant though they may be. I'm lucky to have my home, and my job, and my friends. I'm lucky to have my life. I should keep more of it on the radar, so I don't forget. Comments on this entry? Head on over to Colloquial!

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