March 28, 2001



Momentary Thought

My Claritin sure is taking its own sweet time to kick in. Allergy season, I embrace you! (Really, it's vice versa.)


High: Lots of CD's with me today, plus some new Napster downloads, to listen to as I go about my tedious day.

Low: Let's see... that time of the month, Buffy has been in re-run mode *forever*, school tonight (and those damned word problems), mid-terms on *Saturday* (the day before Calvin flys out), and Calvin leaves on Sunday. Yep, that about covers it.

Current Obsession

Work. I won't bore you with the details.

Grin Source

My dreams from last night.

Dramatis Personnae
Who I Read
  Albuterol sulphate for my rescue inhaler.

Flovent for maintenance of my asthma.

Claritin for my allergies.

Birth control pills.

Tesselon (sp?) pearls, for cough.

Prescription decongestant.

Over the past few weeks, more medication has passed through my body than for the entire year previous. Those first four up there I have to take every single day. The Claritin will be cut off when the allergy season is over, the rescue inhaler will be used occasionally (mostly when I work out), but the Flovent and BCP's remain forever. I've pretty much recovered from the cold that necessitated the cough medicine and decongestant, but man did it hang on for a while.

Ever since I was eleven and had a bad bout with bronchitis that was the beginnings of adult asthma, I have had to take medication every day of my life. Not Tylenol or multivitamins, but actual prescription medication. I have spent thousands of dollars throughout the years maintaining my health. It's frustrating.

I remember being in tears when I was a child staying at a friend's house, because her animals always triggered allergy and asthma attacks. I remember suffering from anxiety when I would go out somewhere and forget to bring my inhaler in case of an attack. I remember having a bad reaction to Theophalline (sp?) which left me shaking and delirious. I remember having to wear long sleeved shirts and pants in the middle of the summer, because my skin was so rashed. I remember my eyes swelling shut frequently, and having to lay on the couch with a cold cloth over my eyes. I remember an ambulance trip taking me down the driveway and passing the schoolbus I was supposed to be on, and all the white faces of the kids staring out.

Today I have things pretty well under control. Antihistamines that prevent my skin from rashing out, keep my eyes clear, and curb the sneezing. Lotions that keep eczema under control. A treatment schedule that keeps my asthma in check. But it means regular doctors visits. And thank God I have a great benefits package at AcronymCo that covers the majority of the cost of these drugs. I spent $35 getting refills on four prescriptions this week. The actual cost would have been well over $300.

It kind of put things in perspective for me, and for Calvin, the other day when we were discussing my "limp lungs". Calvin told me to blow as hard as I could on the palm of his hand. I did so. Then he blew as hard as he could on the palm of his hand. There must have been a marked difference, because he was almost shocked at the weakness of my breath. And I wasn't even having an attack. It's just my normal lung capacity.

I'm not being a poor whiny baby, here. It's been a way of life for me for so long that it's ceased to be an inconvenience. But I sometimes wonder what it would be like to have a perfectly normally functioning body. How much more deeply can a normal person breathe than me? How much better do flowers smell? What's it like to run up a full flight of stairs and take half the time to get my breath back than it does now? Maybe it's better I don't know. I can deal with things now without regretting what I don't know I'm missing.


Yeah. Weird dreams last night. One in which I was in a Star Trek (the new ones) episode, and Captain Picard was actually a bad guy, and I was teamed up with Commander Riker to stop some kind of time warp. We were running all over some space station, and Picard kept showing up and looking stern as we tried to avoid this phenomenon. It was represented by this metallic glowy sphere thing, and was neutralized when I finally stopped avoiding it jumped into it.

The other one had to do with meeting up with my ex and his family in California. My ex sister-in-law had an abortion (which is WAAAY against their religion) and tried to commit suicide by driving her car over a cliff and into the ocean (also against their religion). She apparently survived without a scratch. My ex brother-in-law got along famously with me and we were swapping Napster downloads. My ex-husband was going to school? Working on a project? Something - he was very snide and sarcastic (which is very common in real life), but seemed to take my presence there as a given. My ex mother-in-law and father-in-law were somehow involved in the dream, too, but I don't remember how.

I've been having a *lot* of weird dreams lately, which I somewhat attest to all the medication I've been taking. I've always experienced vivid dreams, but lately they've been way off the scale. Almost every morning, when I wake up, I can trace the thread of the dream back to what triggered it. What I watched on TV the night before, something I saw on the news, or a conversation Calvin and I had. But lately things have been coming out of the blue that I can't figure out. Like the two I mentioned above. I haven't watched Star Trek in ages, and thoughts of my ex and his family haven't crossed my mind in a very long time.

It's gotta be the drugs, man.

Original content belongs to ME. Exceptions are noted.
©Laura Charon 2000, 2001.