prev
archive
blog
next
I spent the whole weekend with a toothache (wisdom teeth), and vowed to call first thing Monday morning to schedule an appointment with the dentist to get a referral to get them removed. So, I'm thinking, yeah, I'll have a couple of days, at least, to get used to the fact that I have to go back to the dreaded dentist. Imagine my chagrin (yes, I was tempted to decline) when the scheduler told me there was an opening at 2:00 today. (Update: I survived, much to my surprise.)
I am grateful for my friend Heather.
See "Thinking".
Recalling our escapades at Pasta Brioni last night.
"Don't Stop Believing" by Journey.
2003 - Dirty laundry.
2002 - Nuthin'.
2001 - Goals.
Storyteller
Bio
People
Links
Recipes
Books
April 5, 2004
Bunches
Hey! Sorry about the unanticipated semi-hiatus, there. I was grooving along and feeling like I was actually doing some justice to my journal, and then all of a sudden, BAM! The normal rhythms of my life, interrupted by an Emeril-esque expletive.
So what the hell has been going on around here, anyway? I need to take a moment to recall, myself. The last few weeks are kind of foggy - there's just this amalgam of work/school/homework/appointments/drama/working out/gack that I couldn't sift through if my life depended on it.
So. One thing at a time. On a family level, Michael and Lilly have announced the impending arrival of a second child. Lilly's due, oh, somewhere around the end of November/beginning of December. While news of a new baby is hardly ever to be considered a bad thing, it still allows a whole lot of worries and concerns to blossom. First and foremost is that they still live 600-ish miles away. We haven't seen the first grandchild since the week he was born, so it'll sadden us still further to not be a regular part of the second one's life. I imagine all parents and grandparents feel this way when the kids leave home. It all comes down to expectations - ours versus the kids. We want the family bond to be a whole lot closer (physically and emotionally) than it currently is. We want to be included and communicated with. They want to be independent and get their own life going, their own way. And they're excessively busy just living their lives. Being in the military doesn't provide for a whole lot of free time.
Which is another worry. We're afraid that they're going to re-up when their contract with the Marines expires. Neither of them particularly like the military, but they've invested (or will have invested) five years of their lives and are receiving steady paychecks. So, if there's a lack of anything better coming along, they might continue. Which means that they continue to live away from "home" (we really want them to move to Arizona - when Michael left home to join the Marines, we didn't think it was going to be for good). And we'll continue to have sporadic contact with them. And we'll be virtually strangers to their kids. And, of course, there's always the constant worry that they'll be shipped off to wherever the current military action is taking place.
It's hard not to thrust our wants and needs onto them, when all they're doing is making their own way in the world. They deserve to live their lives the way they see fit, but we (Calvin, Marie, and I) continue to waffle between being upset that we're not higher up on their list of priorities, and feeling guilty that we have any of those kinds of expectations of them. I, myself, am feeling particularly selfish. I want to be able to thrash out my thwarted maternal instincts on those babies. I want to have the relationship with Lilly that I had myself with my former mother-in-law (she's really the only thing I miss from my relationship with X(m) - she was really a mother to me, until I forced her to take her son back). I want to have friendships with both Lilly and Michael. I want them to live right down the street, and have dinner with us a couple of times a week, and call just to chat.
You see how it is. I want, I want, I want. Calvin's got a version of "wants" of his own, as does Marie. Though hers is particularly heartfelt, given the amount of changes going on in her life, and how much she misses the close relationship she and Michael used to have. It's always harder to be the one left behind, rather than the one leaving. We do have a lot of confidence in Michael and Lilly, but we're also painfully aware of how young the are, themselves, and raising an infant family to boot. Away from the helping hands and support of their families. I haven't had the opportunity to talk much with Lilly, but I'm sure there's got to be some worries, there - she isn't even twenty yet, and she'll have two little ones before her 21st birthday. They do seem to be handling parenthood pretty well so far - at least, in as much as we can tell with the long-distance nature of our current relationship.
I think it would be a lot easier if they were clearer to us about what their long-term goals are. Do they even want to move back to AZ? What are they going to do when they get out of the Marines (their contracts are up in the summer of 2006)? How much of a part of their lives do they want us to be? What kind of relationship do they want to have with us? What kind of relationship do they want their kids to have with us? If we knew the answer to those questions, we might be able to stop pestering them. And it isn't even like they've cut ties with us - we all talk at least once a week, they keep us updated on what's going on with them. We're the first people they call when something big is going on. But phone conversations aren't the same as seeing each other face-to-face. Bottom line, we miss them. We have expectations. We alternate between feeling guilty and feeling justified in having expectations. There it is - a conundrum.
Work has been madness and chaos, from which some good news has emerged. I mentioned earlier that a re-org was imminent for our group, and that I was afraid I'd get stuck doing the sucky half of my job as a full-time position. I'm happy to report that I was given a choice, of all things, and after a short transition period, will be happily ensconced as a Full Time Non-Sucky Job Person. I'll be taking on a larger area (instead of the first quarter or so of the manufacturing line, I'll be responsible for roughly half) and have exactly two seconds to learn thirteen billion new things, but hey! I'm happy. It was the one instance, ever, where I was able to affect my own job structure to my satisfaction. If "satisfaction" is described as, "stupidly, crazily busy".
Then, I got my review. It was excellent, and I got a raise, so yay me! No promo yet, which has me searching for a mentor to help me with my career goals. That's slow going, though. While AcronymCo employs a decent amount of technical females, there aren't a lot that I know who would be an appropriate choice to stand as a mentor. And I want a female mentor - one who understands the unique perspective of a woman trying to make it in the technology sector. There's one in particular whose career I've always been impressed with - I'm not sure if she'll remember me, but I think I'll try to establish contact with her. She'll have to get on the Way Back Machine to recall our working history - we both started at about the same time, I was the administrator for her group back in (my God) '95. She got a free ride to MIT and attended as a full-time student while AcronymCo was paying her a full salary. Getting paid to go to school - I could SO handle that. Even considering the work contract she had to sign, to promise to work for AcronymCo for x number of years after she got out of school. Seems fair to me - they paid for her education, after all.
Speaking of school (Question: how does my poor community college stack up against MIT? Answer: not at all.). English is, as ever, desperately easy. I banged out a six page paper in an hour (with a bibliography!), and have barely had to make any revisions to it - despite the fact that the teacher allows for three drafts before the final paper. Economics is a little different - I've had several hours of homework per class session, and I'm taking so many notes from the text book and class lectures that I'm not even getting writer's cramp any more. I waffled between taking classes this summer, and taking the summer off, but I think I finally decided to just keep plugging through and get a couple of classes done with over the June and July semesters. If I lose my momentum now, I'll never get this Damned Degree(tm) over with.
Heather is moving away this coming Sunday, and I've been spending as much time with her as possible. We went to Rula Bula the Friday before last, and met our friend Marii for excellent cider (and fish -n- chips!!!) and Irish-accented waiters. The weekend before that, Calvin painted her house in prep for sale, and I pretty much got in the way and got paint in his hair ("I'm helping!"). Then last weekend, on Friday Heather came over and we watched "The Rundown" (oohh... The Rock...), which was hysterical, and "Something's Gotta Give", which was much better than I expected it to be. Saturday we attended her surprise going-away party (rather than being surprised when she saw us, all she said was, "Shut up!"). There was one incident during the party in which Calvin had a spelling-bee misadventure, but I'm too kind to post the details (so e-mail me! ~grin~). And then yesterday Heather, Marii and I went to Pasta Brioni to drool over the waiters... oh, and to have dinner. They got the waiter to make fun of my debit card photo, for which I shall never forgive them. Before meeting to go to the restaurant, I put together a care package for her drive to Chicago, and bawled like a baby while writing her a farewell letter. She's been an awesome friend in the handful of years that I've known her. And to think, Calvin's flirtation is what brought us all together. Awww...
I think that's the highlights. Our continued failure to win the lottery brings us repeated (twice a week!) woe. Whoever said money doesn't buy happiness doesn't have our bills. We're making progress toward our goals, but if the progress is steady, it is also slow. We're too impatient by far, and have to remind ourselves (and each other) to stop and smell the perfectly serviceable roses on our way to our dream financial status of frequent vacations and northern land ownership. But a couple of DVD rentals and a six-pack doesn't go very far to satisfy a tropical beach and blue ocean craving. The ability to "keep our eyes on the prize" is getting more and more difficult to uphold. But! We shall triumph!
Okay, I'm done. The End.
Comments on this entry? Head on over to Colloquial!