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prev home archive next Momentary Thought I need to buy a kick-ass dress for Calvin's reunion, coming up in two weeks. Do I go all "look at me, I'm at least ten years younger than all you chicas that used to be his girlfriends", or do I go as "refined and yet delightfully unpretentious, I am a wondrous human being"? Decisions, decisions... High/Low High: A quiet week on the meeting front, at least for now. Perhaps I can get some *real* work done. Low: It's going here because I didn't *really* want to have to do it, but I dropped my Stats class today. I'll pick it up again when they offer a different instructor - I totally disagreed with this guy's methods. Current Obsession I went to the mall this weekend with Marie and her friends, and now I want to go clothes shopping *so bad*. Grin Source Dana. Singing Nothing at the moment. Storyteller Bio Dramatis Personnae Who I Read Recipes |
I've been torturing myself today. Calvin and I talked this morning about buying a lottery ticket, and I immediately went off on a daydream of what life would be like if I had no financial worries. Finances have always been a concern for me. When my mother passed away, her social security checks were deposited in an account for me. When my grandmother allowed me to get my first horse (I was eleven? twelve?), I payed for her out of that account. My grandmother wanted me to manage my own money, so I budgeted myself. I paid for my horse's board (reduced because I worked 20 hours a week at the stable), scheduled and paid for her vet requirements, paid for her supplies, coordinated and paid for her shoeing requirements, and managed my Pony Club dues and activities costs. I basically learned how to manage my income vs. expenses at a very young age. When I got married it became more complicated, because X(m) wasn't what I would call a fully participating member of the financial household. When I got divorced it got more complicated and less complicated, at the same time. More complicated because I became responsible for *all* the debt (which wasn't really a change since I was paying for it all already). Less complicated because I just had to worry about myself. And now Calvin and I have amassed a large amount of debt because of the Home Improvement Project from Hell. Necessary, but annoying nonetheless. I've lived paycheck to paycheck my entire life, and I just want that to stop. Hence the daydreaming this morning. What would be the first thing I'd do. Where would be the first place I'd go. How would I help out/fend off needy family members and people who have suddenly become my "best friend". How many pairs of shoes would I stop at before deeming the amount completely ridiculous. Okay, so the first thing anybody would do is pay off their debt. So would I. The house and the credit cards would get paid off, and I'd buy a vehicle outright. Probably that new BMW SUV. They're hot. Next would be to give myself, Calvin, Michael, and Marie some silly amount of cash to just blow at the mall. Because none of us have ever been able to do that ("that" being shop until you're tired of shopping, not shop until you run out of money). We'd certainly have a sit-down with our more needy family members, and help situate them accordingly. With the stipulation of "Look, we're giving you (x amount) to satisfy all your current financial needs. Don't ask for any more, we're not subsidizing your life." We'd take a trip to Maine, from there flying to Hawaii, then to Greece. We would bring no luggage, just cash, and buy what we need along the way. I've always wanted to do that. We'd finish the back yard, and keep the house we're currently living in. Fitted out with all the artwork and "extras" we want, of course. We'd buy a place up north, somewhere around Flagstaff, to have a place in a cool climate. A nice little cabin on a parcel of land would be quite fine. No need to go overboard on the habitations, just a couple for variety. Maybe I'd keep a place back east and let my sister live in it and take care of it. I would hire a personal trainer to give me the rock-solid body I know I was always meant to have. I would donate to the American Heart Association, in memory of my mother. Mostly, though, I want the ability to travel wherever I want, whenever I want, for as long as I want. Never have to work, just live in perpetual vacation mode, with Calvin and the kids, and spending all of our time together. We would make very, very good rich people. And never lose sight of our humble beginnings, or forget to appreciate our circumstances and lifestyle. Really. We'd be so totally cool. Gah. I've got to stop torturing myself like this. The irony that I'm typing this while at work, knowing I've got to balance the checkbook sometime today, wondering how the heck we're going to get out of all our debt, and wishing I could just take a damned trip to Hawaii like everybody else at work seems to be doing lately. |