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May 6, 2003 Cherish Sunday morning I woke up before Calvin. I got up, started the coffee, grabbed some cereal, and sat in front of the computer for a while. Calvin slept on, the cat curled up in a tight little ball next to him. After a while, I laid back down in bed and watched Calvin sleep. The lines were all smoothed out of his face, relaxed, and his lips were pouted out slightly the way they do when he's asleep. He was curled up on his side, his hands tucked up under his ear like a little boy. I traced my fingers over his forehead, cheeks, nose, and chin - delicately, so as not to wake him up. I love looking at him while he sleeps - no worries, no anxieties, nothing but peace on his face. The transformation begins as soon as he stirs. He's no less beautiful to me, but the care comes back. The difference is minute, but I've memorized every detail of him and I can see the changes emerge. The taught line above the bridge of his nose. The set of his jaw, the tightening around his eyes. I hate to see it, this repossession of his worries. I reach out again to smooth his face, massaging, trying to work out the tension. He stretches and rolls over onto his stomach, and I reach out to run my hand over the smooth skin of his back. I run my fingernails over him and watch the goosebumps raise the fine hairs on his arms and at the nape of his neck. I lean over to press my lips to his hair, breathing in the clean, warm, sleepy scent of him. I love that he's awake, engaged with me, present. But I do live for those few moments before he wakes up, to give myself over to how much I love him. I feel a little catch in my heart as I watch over him, that makes me want to take on all of his cares, conquer every source of unhappiness, protect him from sorrow. I resolve to be better, to do more, to demonstrate in every way possible how complete my world is with him in it. I mourn every opportunity lost, every good intention gone awry. I celebrate every happy memory, every meaningful glance, every comfortable silence. I live to make him laugh, smile, look at me with eyes glowing with happiness. I mourn that I'll never completely succeed in making him really, perfectly happy. This is what it means to cherish.

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©Laura Charon 2000 - 2003.