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prev home archive next Momentary Thought Martha Stewart on Oprah. Talk about frou-frou overload. My little mind just is not equipped to handle it. High/Low High: Hah! I've lost three pounds since last week! I rule. Low: "Package Design Fundamentals" class this afternoon = zzzz... Current Obsession Planning a menu and cleaning the house for Michael's going-away get-together on Sunday. Grin Source E-mails and phone calls from Dawn. And send her an e-mail in sympathy for her poor widdle toe, would ya? Singing "...so you can see that I'm the one to take you to that higher place this time!" Journey - "Higher Place" Storyteller Bio Dramatis Personnae Who I Read Recipes |
I feel all grown up and stuff. I'm easing into a new morning routine, now that the school year is over and I don't have to play bus for Marie. See, I can leave my house at 7:55 and get to work by 8:00. Calvin wakes me up (with a kiss and a cup of coffee, this morning) at 6:00 so I can hang out with him for a half hour or so before he goes to work. I have to get in the shower by 7:00 in order to be ready in time for work. And the sun rises at 5:00 these summer mornings. It's so much easier to get up out of bed when it's not dark outside in the morning. Sun drenched bedroom and bathroom, bearable temperatures outside (as in, under ninety degrees), and the house is still and quiet because the kids are still asleep, instead of banging about in a frenzy of getting ready for school. If I could manage to get up with Calvin (that'd be 5:20), I'd have oodles of time to do stuff and ease into my day before work. I'm finding that, when left to my own devices, I'm actually a morning person. Wish I could remember that on the weekends, because when I get up at a regularly scheduled time (instead of sleeping until noon), I feel good, I have a productive day, and I'm generally happier and stress-free. So, getting up with the alarm actually makes me feel *better* during the workweek. Sleeping in on the weekends gives me a vague feeling of being hung over, all day long. And then I get absolutely nothing done. I've come to work every day this week feeling rather well adjusted. Instead of sleeping until the absolute last possible second, I've been getting up. Puttering around the kitchen. Having a container of yogurt while reading a book. This morning I even took Kye for a walk in the park. The grass felt so good on my sandaled toes, and the morning was (comparatively) cool. And I thought to myself, "I should make this a habit". Kye was certainly beside herself, getting actual *attention* in the morning. Other than the hollered "Shut UP, dogs!" as they fuss at people walking by on the sidewalk, that is. I don't spend the first half hour at work in a dreary fog, trying to reconcile myself to the working day. Instead of being resentful that I have to slave away in my cubicle, I've been facing work as just the eight-hour hurdle to jump over on my way back to where I really want to be - home. I can be more productive, knowing that keeping myself busy is the straightest line to the end of the day. And since I started the day in a productive mode - even if it's being "productive" for myself and my own inner needs - I find I can more easily continue the theme at work. It's a lot easier to be productive at work when you start out that way at home, taking care of yourself, rather than having *just* rolled out of bed a bare hour before. The first conscious thought of the day should be while at home, doing something pleasant, rather than blinking gradually awake in front of a computer screen. That way grumpiness lies. I adore being able to take my time in the morning. I can stop and sip coffee and roll my eyes at the news weather guy, instead of applying mascara while brushing my teeth and hopping on one foot while stuffing the other into a shoe. I don't forget things, and there is no mad scramble at the last second to stuff my laptop in its case with a tangle of cords dangling behind. I can stop and get gas on the way to work if I need it, instead of crossing my fingers that the gauge doesn't really mean it when it says "E is for Empty, Moron", and hoping I have enough to last until lunch and that gas station on the other corner. I also find it terribly beneficial to have that half hour or so to myself in the morning. Calvin's excellent company is always preferred, of course, but it is kind of nice to have the house so still, and spend a bit of time outdoors, and be by myself (canine company welcome). The climate here is so hostile during the summer that I've been resigning myself to just staying in, but the mornings are relatively cool and if I get my butt out of bed, I can enjoy them. I need that restoration, being a person who has practically lived outdoors my entire life until moving to Arizona. The next step is to fashion an enjoyable backyard out of the existing bare rocks, but one thing at a time. First, routinely get up early in the morning. Then tackle the landscaping. I'm taking better care of myself, taking time for myself, which is something I have to remind myself to do. Taking care of my skin, and taking my vitamins. Dressing better and caring about what I look like. Drinking water like it's going out of style. Working out and eating better. I don't feel like the ugliest kid on the block anymore. I'm thinking of taking a break from school until August. I was supposed to go back in July, but our vacation falls on what would be the first two classes of my new course, so I'm thinking of pushing it out another month. Part of me feels guilty about that, since I really *should* get this degree over with. But another part of me just isn't in all that much of a rush. It's not like my job would change overnight with the acquisition of a degree - not enough to motivate me to go any faster, anyway. Ih, I've still got some time to decide. I'm not going to stress over it. I've been actively working to eliminate the sources of stress in my life - if I'm stressing over it, I re-evaluate why and see what I can do about it. Finances - reorganized. School - taking a break. Work - under control now that I'm more productive. Website - there when I need it, but no longer feeling like a "job". Health - paying attention to it. Relationship - recognizing the need to do more "fun" things together, and actually *doing* them. (Our weekend with Dawn made us realize how few friends and how little fun we actually do have.) I guess I'm saying that I'm getting better, without really realizing I wasn't "well" until the improvements started happening. I got so completely mired in the "this is just life" frame of mind that I didn't realize how something so simple as getting up in the morning for some self time is really necessary. Once the ball started rolling, it became easier and easier to identify areas in my life that were so easy to improve. Go, me! ******************** Michael's leaving a week earlier than expected - Monday the 11th instead of Monday the 18th. So we're having all of Calvin's family over on Sunday evening for a little farewell get-together. Marie even cancelled her plans to go to summer camp so she could be home when he left. We did go to a concert last Sunday, to see Billy Squire, Bad Company, Styx, and Journey. The concert was great fun, but the most significant aspect of it had nothing to do with the music. The four of us were lounging around on blankets on the lawn of Desert Sky Pavilion. It was actually cool enough to be comfortable, with a good breeze kicking up. Styx was up, the stars were just coming out, and Calvin and I had cool beers. I was leaning up against him, watching the show, when he touched my shoulder. "I wish I had a camera," he said. I turned to look, and Michael and Marie were curled up on their sides, facing each other. Eyes shut, heads almost touching, hands clasped between them. Every now and then Marie would open her eyes and stare at Michael's face as if she were trying to memorize it. Calvin and I snuggled together and looked at them, and we both teared up. It was such a severe reminder of the chapter of our lives that is about to close. It was a beautiful, if painful and bittersweet, moment. I'm so glad we got to share that moment, so close to Michael's departure. It will be a sweet memory in years to come. Because starting Monday, our home life and family will never be the same again. |