June 7, 2001

Doo be doo be doo...

prev home mail archive next Public Service Announcement The "Mission Box" is changing formats. Scroll down and take a look... Momentary Thought It strikes me that I don't have a "style" that can be imitated. Terri has been impersonated by Kelli, Dana had a contest to see who would write the best entry in her style (it ended up being Rog). People are always saying that Pamie's been imitated by a bazillion people. I guess my "voice" isn't that unique, because when I look at my entry I don't see anything uniquely *me* enough that would make me say "Hey, that sounds just like me!" if I should read that voice in another journal. You know what I mean? High/Low High: Um, ih? Blah. Yeah... Low: The caterpillars are getting tamed today. (Editor's note: That means I'm getting my eyebrows waxed. Ow.) Current Obsession Preparing for next week's audit at work. Grin Source Me. "Conflicted enigma". I like that! Singing "The heaaart brings you baaack..." Blues Traveller, I forget the title. Probably those very words. It's the last song I heard in the car today on the way to work. Storyteller Bio Dramatis Personnae Who I Read Recipes

Editor's Note: I wrote this entry in a paper journal that I brought with me to an AcronymCo class yesterday. Having something to do besides listen to the instructor drone on and on about product architecture and package design was a lifesaver. Whew! One sentence down and my wrist is already tired. It's been a long, long time since I've written in a paper journal. I sometimes think I should keep one on the side, but what's the point? Anything I really want to say ends up as an entry anyway. Calvin pointed out the other day that I rarely swear on my website. That could be considered odd if you take into consideration how often I swear when speaking. Not much at work, really, and not in the sense of "Dude, he was all like fuckin' tweaked, and I was all fuckin' pissed. Fuck, I was all like, "Fuck this shit," ya know?" But I do swear for emphasis, mostly at home or when I'm out with Calvin (no, not *at* him). I guess I don't find it necessary when I'm writing. I only bring this up now because I just looked at the class material, and it's 162 slides long. My automatic reaction? "Fuck." The room is dim, and a man I know, of Middle Eastern descent, is accessing his on-line presentation in order to teach the class. Students are filing in - co-workers that I recognize by virtue of working in the same building. Few known personally. Many I've never seen before. Ours is one of two "sites" in Arizona, and it employes somewhere in the neighborhood of 9,000 people. So there are a lot of strangers. When I tell people that I work at AcronymCo, they sometimes ask "Oh! Do you know such-and-so?" They think it's odd that I can say "no". He's starting the class. Cool, I get my own table. Nobody is sitting near me. Come to think of it, nobody is sitting near *anyone*. At this point I am forced to comment that, generally speaking, most engineers annoy me. They are such a whiney bunch. This guy just walked in late and complained that the class materials had run out. Dude, you were *late*. Oh goody, he's also rude (he just practically threw some samples at the woman next to him), and stupid (he's never looked at a chip before and he works *here*?). And he keeps fidgeting and making noise. Super. Just great. Hang on... paying attention for a minute... I'm not sure why design engineers are taking a package design fundamentals class. They're asking advanced questions beyond the scope of the class, and it's holding up the works. But, I can ignore things during those times - it's just a lucky thing that I thought to bring a notebook or I'd be even more bored than this. Picoseconds and scales and frequencies - oh my! I could get technical on y'all's asses, but two things are preventing me: The giant sucking sound as readers flee in droves; AcronymCo's confidentiality concerns. Much as I may complain about my job, I still need it. My handwriting is getting gradually messier (is that a word?) - more messy, as time goes by. And I'm starting to get sleepy, because it's after lunch. A four-hour class right after lunch is just a bad idea all the way around. So is looking at my watch. It's only been 45 minutes. I'm doomed. It is a measure of my maturity that I want to smirk every time the instructor says "package" or "balls". It is also a measure of my maturity that I have *not* laughed, giggled, or even snorted - not even once. Just when you think you've learned all the acronyms around here, they throw more at you! I just had visions of getting tackled by the security geebs. I just went to the bathroom but left my access badge behind in the classroom. Sound the alarm! Woop! Woop! Woop! Anybody out there ever watch the Winnie the Pooh animated show? You know the character "Gopher"? The aforementioned annoying engineer talks just like him, down to the buck teeth and whistle. God, I'm going to crack up if he asks one more question. Everybody else is snicking, too. Damned mouth-breather. Breaktime now. I made a run to the cafeteria for some coffee (and a biscotti). Dorky engineer dude (henceforth referred to as DED) loudly complained about the lack of cups while standing right in front of them. I watched another guy pour his cup of Starbucks (price $1.15) and then tell the cashier it was herbal tea (price $.40). Grown-ups sometimes aren't. I like this instructor. He's taken to calling one of our more complicated products "The Monster". It sounds funny with his accent. He sure does like to use build effects in his presentation, though. It's distracting. Man. I should have brought a book to tuck inside my class materials. Oh well, at least I look like I'm taking notes when I write. My new glossy lipstick makes me look sexy and sassy, but my new shoes make me walk like a man. I am a conflicted enigma. I have to go to the store after work. We need: Milk Beer Tortillas Green Sauce Green Chilies Shredded Cheese Salsa (guess who's making Enchiladas tonight?) Popsickles Dog Food Cereal Bologna Ramen Noodles Bread And aren't *you* interested? Just killing time here, folks. He's talking about routing layers. Now would be a good time to have telepathic abilities. I could have a conversation with Calvin and be thoroughly entertained. I'm on the sixth page of this notebook. I begin to recall why I used to go through so many journals. Get me on a stream of consciousness kick and I can go on forever. (Readers: "Tell us something we *don't* know." Laura: "Hush, you.") Orthogonal. Good word, that. Hah. While I'm writing I find myself *almost* putting in HTML code for links and font sizes and character emphasis. How pathetic is *that*? (and yes, I did actually write the asterisks.) I'm so broken. God. Two hours into the class and we're only on slide 44. Have I mentioned how doomed I am? He'd better be skipping a whole bunch of slides or we won't be out of here before midnight. I'm leaving at 5:00 come hell or high water. Wow. While I was in the bathroom they went through six slides. Things are looking up! I sometimes think, if I concentrate really hard, that I can touch Calvin's consciousness. I think I can see him as he's going about his day. I'm sure it's just my imagination filling in the details of him tooling around in his work truck, on his cell phone, dealing with customers, having lunch. But it's a nice thought. It sure would keep him in line if he knew I had that ability! Not that I worry - he's "in line" whether I can have my eye on him or not. And that's nice to know. Heh. Just got done looking at a chip layout schematic. It was so busy, I felt like if I unfocussed my eyes and stared at the center of it, I'd see an image emerge. Like those prints that used to be so popular. "The Flight of the Electron". Bwaaa! Okay, guys, three guesses what song is now stuck in my head. Hint: it has no lyrics, and it is *not* easily hummed. Damn. I broke the seal. Off to the bathroom again. And don't you give me that hairy eyeball, DED. Resistance, Inductance, and Capacitance - oh, my! For you science history buffs out there: Michael Faraday (who discovered the theory of Inductance in 1831) joined the Royal Academy of London as the janitor, and when he retired he was the academy's director. Gack. I'd never make it as a microelectrical engineer. If/and/or/nor gates are as advanced as I get. The instructor had to say "inworter" three times before I understood him to mean "inverter". Wait. I think I just got that. I couldn't explain it, but I got it. Just for a second, there. Potty break. Again. Drinking coffee makes my bladder all happy to be alive. (counting...) That makes four times in three hours. Is that normal? 45 minutes to go... slide 105 and counting... My brain is so numb that even my stream of consciousness seems to have shut up. ******************** At this point, I packed it in. Went to the grocery store, went home, made dinner, went to get my hair cut, came home, folded laundry, washed some laundry, watched TV, and went to bed.