prev
archive
next
There are some of you fellow OLJ'ers who have written very profound, very personal, very intense and deep entries here lately. If I "read" you, you know I "read" you, and you know who you are, because your entries were that profound. I didn't e-mail you about your entry(ies) because I simply don't know what to say. I felt touched, and effected, and sometimes somewhat altered by what you wrote. And so I stepped away from it, and didn't write you. Perhaps when I can get my mind around what I really need to say, to tell you how I was effected by your words... well, suffice to say, I don't have the ability right now. But I will. And thank you. It takes a special kind of bravery to be that naked. And it makes me feel so good to know that there are some truly beautiful people in this world.
High: Got my hair done today, and my hairdresser gives the *best* scalp massages.
Low: Looks like Michael won't make it to the wedding. And a good portion of the state is on fire as of right now.
Rain! Rain rain rain RAIN rain RAIN rain RAIN... (doing a little rain dance here)
The package of brownies on the counter touts that it's getting back to "good ol' home cooking, with ingredients you can find in any kitchen!" (Upon reading said ingredients...) Since when does anyone stock Monosodium Glutonate in their pantry???
Uncle Ted's "Stranglehold" is on the radio.
Gee, it was 112 degrees at this time last year, too.
Storyteller
Bio
Dramatis Personnae
Who I Read
Recipes
June 19, 2002
Ten Days
Ten days.Or,
Ten Days.
Or,
TEN DAYS?!?
Really, I'm not flipping out. I'm excited, but not nervous. Anticipatory, but not scared. Busy, but not chaotic.
And I keep thinking, "I need to remember to hand Marie my bouquet during the ceremony, because I remember the last time I did this I was frustrated because I couldn't hold his hands while we were repeating our vows."
Hah. "The last time I did this..." Yeah, I'm an old hat at this marriage business.
I'm thinking I should have some profound things to say, here, about how
deeply I feel about marrying Calvin. About how much we've been through.
About the progress we've made in the last four years, which this wedding
seems to be the culmination of. And the feeling of "rightness" that
surrounds our life, this event, our feelings - that didn't exist with
Husband v1.0. Or how confident I am in *everything* - the decisions we've
made and will make, and the absolute trust that he'll never hurt me. And
about the complete desire I have to be damned good at this, even though up
to this point it hasn't really required very much effort at all. Or how
happy I am to be part of a real family - something I've wanted for a long
time. And of course, how close I feel to Marie and Michael, and how
grateful I am to them that they've welcomed me so completely into their
hearts and lives. I doubt I could love them more if they were my own -
certainly the thought never comes up that they should play a lesser part in
my life, or me in theirs, simply because of biology (or lack thereof).
Huh. I went and said 'em. Feels like it should have taken more words, but
that pretty much describes it right there.I wish I had the next week off, so I could concentrate on little details. Writing letters to Calvin and the kids, about how hard I'm going to try to be a good wife and step-mom, and my hopes and dreams for the future. Buying them little celebratory gifts. Making thirteen bazillion lists (down to the level of *which pairs of socks* I plan on bringing) and absolutely making very damn sure that I'm not forgetting anything. Walking the dogs and paying attention to them to make up for the week we'll be gone (and to make up for basically ignoring them for the past several weeks). Calling the coordinator, the reverend, the photographer, the hairdresser, and the caterer three more times to make sure everything really *is* all set to go. Highlighting routes on thirteen different maps of California (thanks, AB!).
And then there are the mundane details. I'm in full nest-making mode, which
makes me want to clean, and organize, and duck-row. I need to back up my
website. I need to scan a ton of pictures and put up some quality entries
(well, this one isn't mundane, it just requires more time and *concentration
molecules* (channeling Terry there for a second) than I possess at the
moment). I have a monstrous amount of filing that I would do well to just
get straightened around once and for all. I have photos that I want to put
into albums. The house needs to be cleaned to within an inch of its life
before we leave (I hate coming home to a messy house).
Distracted is a good word to describe me at the moment. Like, right now.
I've suddenly run out of things to say. Enjoy the last few photos! The Sedona/L'Auberge photos are from that first weekend we were up there, and Marie's graduation was a couple of weeks ago.
