Who I Read
We'll love you and miss you every day of our lives.
February 2, 1916 - August 18, 2001
Following is the message I sent out to my Notify List on Thursday:
Well, I'm back. The last week has been a complete nightmare, and it's not something I'm really ready to write much about yet. I didn't leave last Wednesday as scheduled - I was on standby and I got bumped. So I ended up leaving Thursday afternoon and getting into Boston at midnight. I drove from there to Maine and got to my sister's at 3:00 in the morning on Friday (the 17th).
At 6:00 that evening we went to see my grandmother in the hospital. We had to wait until then because my sister's husband was at work and he needed to be home to watch the kids.
The whole experience in the hospital is too painful and raw to talk about. Suffice to say, the person lying there in the hospital bed wasn't my Grammy. We stayed until 9:00, stroking her hair and holding her hand and talking to her. I have to believe she knew I was there. I have to believe she heard what I said to her.
She passed away only a few hours after we left - 2:00 in the morning on Saturday the 18th. She hung on just long enough for me to be able to say goodbye to her. It was a blessing that she passed, she was suffering a tremendous amount. She loved me a great deal to linger until I could get there. I only wish I could have gotten there sooner so she didn't have to suffer so much.
I originally intended to come home on Monday, but the wake was Monday, and the funeral was Tuesday, so I changed my flight arrangements to get home on Wednesday the 22nd. I bonded with my sister for that week, which was nice. I just hated the circumstances. I completely fell apart when I finally got home, with Calvin and I crying together. It was so hard to go through the whole experience without his loving presence.
I can't talk much about this whole thing, not yet. My grandmother raised me and I can't begin to tell you how much I adore her. She's a wonderful lady and I will think of her and miss her horribly every day of my life.
Thanks, everyone, for your caring messages. They mean a lot to me. I probably won't update for a bit, I need to grieve and I need to begin to heal. I may post to the Notify List from time to time, and I won't be gone too long.