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Right now I'm |
Storyteller Bio Dramatis Personnae Who I Read Recipes |
August 20, 2002That'll learn 'em.Last Friday I took the day off for no real reason other than Calvin was, and Michael was expected home sometime during the day. But I still go up early enough for my depillartating (that's eyebrow waxing - a home-grown reference to my "caterpillar" eyebrows, and the act of depilitating them) appointment. Calvin was showering as I was going on my merry way. Well, as merry a way as one can go when going to a self-inflicted torture session. I was back about 45 minutes later, and Calvin was just getting dressed. "Oh, man, you missed it," he said. "Missed what?" says I. "Not two minutes after you left, the doorbell rang. I was dripping wet from the shower so I wrapped a towel around myself. Actually, it was so soon after you left that I thought it was you, playing some sort of stupid doorbell game with me to get me to answer the door naked or something." "Yeah, like I'm known to do." Beat. "Anyway. So I'm holding the towel around me with one hand, and as I open the door, it catches the edge of the towel and pulls it open." "Gasp!" "I mean, it doesn't show anything but my leg..." "Gee, that's too bad!" "...and standing at the door are two ladies - an older one, and one that was maybe in her late twenties. They were all dressed in plain clothes, long skirts, plain hair, no makeup..." "Were they carrying briefcases?" "Yep." "Jehovah's Witnesses, then." "Yep. But the old lady, she sees me dressed in the towel, with it coming around my leg. She gives me this horrified look and turns a full 180 degrees so she's looking out at the street with her back turned to me." (At this Calvin demonstrates the look and the gasp and the turn, just to make sure I get the full effect. He's a very animated storyteller - which is why I can't tell stories myself to save my life.) "Oh no!" I laugh. "Yep, and the other lady, she says "Oh, dear, I see we've caught you getting ready to go out. Here, take this and we'll come back some other time." She shoves this at me (he hands me a flyer - "You Can Live Forever In Paradise On Earth!") and practically runs down the sidewalk." "Oh, God, really?" I exclaim, holding the all-too-familiar pamphlet distastefully between my thumb and forefinger. "Yeah, and the old lady, she never turned around! She just walked away!" "God, that's too funny!" "Yeah, I wonder what they would have done if they'd actually *seen* anything?" Calvin gets this maniacal grin on his face - envisioning it, I'm sure. "The wouldn't have known what they were looking at." I do not, as long time readers will recall, have a good opinion of JW's. For good reason. "What do you mean? Witnesses have sex. They have to make more cult members." "I wonder if they'll come back?" "I hope not." "We could always tell them we're disfellowshipped or something. They're not allowed to talk to ex-Witnesses. Bad association! They'd put a black mark over our house on their little list and tell all their friends." Unfortunately, I know all about this stuff. "If they do come back, you're answering the door." "Man. We *so* need a peephole." |