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August 21, 2006What really mattersFurther details regarding Enumeration Numbered the Sixth... The past couple of months have been tough on me and Calvin. The amount of stress we've been suffering of late has exceeded levels previously experienced ever in our relationship - except, perhaps, during the HIPFH(tm), which was chronicled with such loving detail at the onset of this online journal. And, having just re-read those hallowed entries, I stick by the apt-ness of the comparison. We've had two very major fights over the last two months. One sent me over to Calvin's youngest sister's to spend the night (which was a lot of fun, despite the circumstances). The following day, Calvin and I had a "Come to Jesus" conversation that realigned our understanding and reaffirmed our relationship and how much we love one another. The second fight had us seriously discussing the division of our household, our finances, and The Big D. That was resolved in rather short order, though, as we came to the stark realization (through some very frank discussion and *literally* locking ourselves in our bedroom for an entire day to thrash things out) that it's not what either of us are doing to screw with our relationship, but externalities that are putting undue strain on things. And fuck if we're going to let exterior crap pull us apart, if our interior (if I may wax confusing with this analogy) is just fine. To whit, we're tired. Calvin has worked nearly every day of his life, with very short breaks sparsely sprinkled throughout, since he was nine years old. He started a new job a couple of months ago, and so lost the seniority that he had before, which provided him with vacation and sick time. He's got to wait 90 days before he can take any vacation or sick leave, and no paid holidays until after that point, either. Knowing that you CAN'T take a day off makes working every day even harder. The job he's doing now has him monkeying around in 30-foot ceilings, crawling and maneuvering around pipes and between beams like a gymnast, balancing on faux-ceiling girders and praying he doesn't put a foot through a ceiling tile. He comes home tired, sweaty, bruised, cut up, and sometimes whupped from a 240-volt shock to his system. He's 42, he works harder physically and mentally than anyone I know, and it's time for him to take a REAL break. Combined with this exhaustion, our household is not the haven of peace and tranquility it used to be. Calvin and Michael have come head-to-head on a couple of occasions, as have Marie and Michael. Lilly and Michael have come close to separating on three occasions. The grandkids are a delightful, noisy, chaotic, messy contribution to the household. Gadget, Gypsy, and even Oz have taken to displaying behavior (such as messing in the house) that rarely occurred before. And all of this angst is just the natural result of trying to cram EIGHT people into a three bedroom house. I think we're doing swimmingly, given the circumstances, but there is still a LOT of stress to cope with. For all of us, not just me and Calvin. Marie starts college tomorrow. She's been out of a job for a while and so has not been able to contribute to her bills as she'd planned. Michael has a job, but it doesn't pay very well and up until yesterday he didn't have the schedule that would allow Lilly to get a job working opposite hours. So they have no idea when they'll be able to be out on their own. Those things, combined with the increased electricity, water, phone, and grocery bills generated by increasing the size of the household by so much, have put a strain on our finances. I'm not trying to complain, and I certainly don't want Marie, Michael, or Lilly to feel bad if and when they read this. It's just that these are the facts, and this stuff is what's contributing to, well, the EVERYTHING of it all. A major worry about being laid off at AcronymCo has just recently been laid to rest, but it was a real concern that I've carried around since July. It didn't end up effecting me, but it DID effect a good number of my friends and good people that I've worked with for over eleven years. So suffice to say, morale at work is at a pretty deep low. I've put off doing this darned marketing plan for school and it's due in exactly nine days. It's not exactly something that I can just bang out, but I can't seem to just settle down and get busy on it. A couple of weeks ago I had a falling out with a friend of mine, who hasn't spoken to me since then. And I don't know how another friend (associated with the same misunderstanding) feels about things, since I haven't heard from her, either. They're upset with me and Calvin, we're bewildered by it all, and I'm just kind of sad about this specific situation, and tired of people overall in general. So. That pretty much describes the majority of the crap. We have a plan, one which is stunning in its simplicity, and sweeping in its impact. We're going to get Michael and Lilly and the babies off on their own and settled. We're going to get Marie going in the direction she needs to go in. We're going to do some cosmetic work to the house, and then we're going to sell it. We're going to pay off our debt, move into an apartment, and then we'll have the ability to live off of a single paycheck. I'm going to finish my degree while I continue to work, and Calvin is going to quit his job. He's going to relax for a good long time, and then look around for an occupation that will make him truly happy. I'm either going to move to another locale with AcronymCo, or find a different job, but we're leaving Arizona and we're going to be somewhere that makes us much happier than the desert. We're looking at Maine/New Hampshire, and the Washington/Oregon area. We did the Find Your Spot survey and discovered through the criteria that we entered that these locations would be perfect for what we're looking for. It looks so easy when put in prose like that. And I suppose it can be just that easy. I'm hoping things will proceed at a pace so that by this time next year the house will at least be on the market. But it is time, and then some, for a good change in the direction of our lives. Downsizing, simplifying, de-stressing. It's time to focus on what really matters. Comments on this entry? Head on over to The Blog! |