Laura's List of Pet Peeves (a work in progress)

1. If you borrow something, put it back. There's nothing I hate worse than to be getting ready for work in the morning, reach for the hair spray (while carefully holding my head still after managing to construct *the* look), and discover it isn't where it should be. Oh, no, it's found its way into the kids' bathroom. Lather, rinse, repeat for toothpaste, makeup, spray bottle...
   
   
2. If I'm singing along to the song, that means I like it. Don't change the radio station. Don't roll your eyes because it's "old fart" music. Just deal with it. I deal with your mock-rapping and attempts to hit the high notes.
   
   
3. Don't ask me where it is unless you've made a *token* attempt at searching for it first. Because believe me, if I find it on the first attempt, or within five square feet of where you're standing, I'll *hide it* and make you look for it. I might give in after a day or so of agonized searching on your part. Maybe.
   
   
4. "Wuzzaaap." Stop it. Just stop.
   
   
5. The Phoenix Music Research Group. Stop calling me. Just because I participated in your survey once doesn't mean I want to quit my job at AcronymCo and spend the rest of my life learning which overly-played songs on the current radio playlist are favored by 18-25 year olds.
   
   
6. Bubble wrap. I know you received the latest and greatest Personal Assistant device at AcronymCo's expense, dear cubicle neighbor. However, I don't appreciate your attempts at celebration via popping Every. Single. Bubble. in the wrap it came in.
   
   
7. When I'm on the last two pages of the final chapter of a really good book, don't choose that time to clamor for my attention. Wait ten minutes. I promise, I'll come find you when I'm done.
   
   
8. Eat the damned hamburger. Yes, I know you've been dieting successfully for two months and you've lost 12 pounds. I also know that you've been staring at the lunch plate of the person next to us for fifteen minutes. And lamenting about how long it's been since you've had meat. Give in. It won't kill you, and there will be no giant sucking sound as the fat re-attaches to your thighs. Besides, it'll make me feel better since I just ordered the smoked cheddar cheeseburger with jalapenos.
   
   
9. You're a security guard. I don't know how you garner so much attitude from riding around the campus on a golf cart and wearing a polyester uniform that's two sizes too small for you, but quit pointing that radar gun at me like You Mean Business. You'll put somebody's eye out.
   
   
10. Don't tell me to "remember to save". I shouldn't *have* to.
    
    
11. Mr. Lunch Thief. When I find you, I'll knock you down and take your lunch money.