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prev home archive next Calvin made a beautiful comment to me, as we watched in horror as the poor souls trapped in the Word Trade Center decided to choose their own death, and jumped from the building. "I have to believe," he said, "that God's angels were with them, and as they fell, the angels swooped down and took their souls into their hands and carried them away. I have to believe that they were gone before they ever reached the ground." I believe. Storyteller Bio Dramatis Personnae Who I Read Recipes |
I don't think I have the words. Any that I would use, will try to use, don't have the meaning I want to convey. The only meaning that is true is what is in my heart. I'm not qualified. I'm not ready. I don't really want to write this, but I have to. I have to remember. I've never been to New York City. I've never seen the Twin Towers in person. I've never been to The Pentagon. The only way that I can relate is that I have lost loved ones in my lifetime. I fear for our safety and security. I'm horrified - and even that isn't the right word - over what has happened. I want to do what I can to help, and show support. I, like many, many others, have been glued to the television. But I wasn't there. I wish with all my heart that no one else was there, either. We've seen the best and worst that humanity has to offer. Trite words, spoken over and over, but no less true for the repetition. I have never been so disgusted with people as I am with those who orchestrated and carried out this deed. It is monstrous in every way - the lack of morality is only the beginning. It's inhuman, and incomprehensible. I have never been so proud of the good in humanity as I have been this week. Offers of help and support from absolutely everywhere - from the richest tycoon to the poorest family, from the wisest leaders to the smallest children. We do pull together, and every petty little trouble and disagreement is forgotten in the face of catastrophe. I've received chain letters in which I'm instructed to "forward to all of your friends, you may never again get the chance to tell them this!". I've received slide presentations of images and words commenting on how technology has progressed while humanity and morals have diminished. I've received pictures calling for patriotism, one of a bald eagle sharpening it's talons on a file - "this pretty much sums up what the U.S. is doing right now". I've received images of various U.S. flags impossibly intact among the ruin. I've received prayers against a background picture of the smoking ruin of Manhattan. I've received an impossible amount of these types of e-mails. A lot of them I agree with, and I understand that everyone expresses their grief, anger, and support in their own ways. But I'm tired of them. I've gotten hundreds this week. There's no stop to them. I'm getting numb. And I *don't* want to be numb. I've saved the newspapers from Tuesday and Wednesday - I did the same for the newspapers from the Challenger, the Gulf War, and the Year 2000. Some day I'll bring them out for my grandchildren, and we'll sit and look at them and I'll tell them all that I felt this week. They'll blink, and not understand, and I'll pray that they never have to. I wonder, sitting here today and now, what the repercussions of this will be. In what kind of future will I be pointing to the headlines describing what has happened this week, and say to them, "This is when it all started." Now more than ever I miss my Grammy. I used to sit in her lap whenever I needed to feel safe. I think what hurts me the most is the inability to do anything. I made red, white, and blue ribbons for myself, my family, and my co-workers to wear today. I brought a dozen in to work, plus extra ribbon, and ended up making many, many more as co-workers kept approaching me and asking for a ribbon of their own. AcronymCo is having a drive for United Way, and the American Red Cross is sending a blood mobile next week to the campus. I will participate in both. We'll be outside, in front of our house, at 7:00 p.m. tonight, along with countless others who stop what their doing at that moment, and light a candle. But it's not enough. Even if I could hold the hand of every single person who has lost a loved one, it wouldn't be enough. Even if I had a billion dollars to give to the relief and recovery effort, it wouldn't be enough. Even if I could personally find and enact justice on every single person who was responsible for this, it wouldn't be enough. Only if I could reverse time, and stop this before it happened - only that would be enough. |
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Michael's Update Box
We were worried, due to the tragedies on the east coast, that Michael may be positioned to be in whatever conflict arises from all of this. But his staff sergeant said since he just barely completed basic training, he'll not be involved in anything dangerous. And, Michael has been approved to be a Recruiter's Assistant for the next month, so instead of going back on the 18th, he won't have to report back to California until October 14th. As you can imagine, this is a great relief to our family. We want to have all of our chicks in the nest during this unsure time. |