| We all live this way. Every single one of us plays so many different roles in our own lives, and the lives of the people around us, it's a wonder schizophrenia isn't more prevalent. For some people this kind of multifunctionality is effortless. They put on one hat as they simultaneously hang up another, and never the twain shall meet. For others, this is a less than simple way of life. Take me, for instance (this journal is, after all, all about mememe). Lately it feels like my multifunctinality is, well, less than functional. My stress over one aspect of my life is carrying over into other aspects of my life. Then *those* aspects get stressful, and the ripples spread, and pretty soon you have this gooey blob from which no distinguishing characteristics can be discerned. Thankfully, it's noisier inside my head than outside. Some people out there still think I have it all together. To paraphrase Nicole in "Eyes Wide Shut", "If they only knew..." Was I the only one that found that plink plink plinking piano thing annoying? My job.I have nine-count-them-nine projects going right now, all having nothing whatsoever to do with each other, all which deal with widely varied team members, and in which teams I have widely varied roles and authority. The usual response when people find out what *else* I'm working on (besides their very narrow view of what's priority) is "Oh, you do that too?" I'm the program owner for so many different things, when people say "But I thought you were X..." my response is "Yep, I do that, too." Some projects I'm involved in from a sustaining standpoint, some have varied completion targets. When they drop off, my manager piles another one on. I'm not kidding. Nine seems to be the magic number. And then, because of the way things work around here, what I worked on six months, a year, *two* years ago still comes back to haunt me. "I have a question about X." "I haven't owned X for two years." "Who does own it?" "I don't know. The person I transitioned it to left the department." "Well, then, can you help me? Just for this one little thing?" And I get sucked back in...School.I'm proud of myself on this one, so if you can't stand a braggart skip to the next heading. My presentation skills were acquired at AcronymCo. In every class I take, I have to make at least one presentation. Other students come up to me and comment that I didn't look nervous at all. I didn't stutter or say "Um". I didn't fumble with foils or forget to make copies. It tell 'em it's because I do this sort of thing Every. Day. Of. My. Life. At school, at least, people think I've got it together. BWAAAHAHAHAHAHAAA!!! You want me to read? You want me to *write* a *paper*? You want me to take notes and (gasp) *participate* in *class*??? Oh, gee, you're torturing me, Doc. I love that kind of stuff. I'm good at that kind of stuff. And after presenting in front of 400 people (among whom were my boss, my boss' boss, my boss' boss' boss, and an AcronymCo Vice President) explaining the Pantheon of Greek Gods to a small class of fellow-collegiates is a cakewalk.My home life.Let's see. I'm the checkbook balancer. The meal provider. The laundry cleaner. The catbox cleaner. The clutter-picker-upper. The child nagger. The (50%) dog feeder. The budget mistress. The GC babysitter. The mail fetcher. The movie return-date monitor. The bed maker. The (30%) coffee maker. Sorry, Calvin. I'll try to remember to get the coffee ready the night before, from now on.The kids.To Michael, I try to be a friend. Recent events have relegated me to become his monitor and keeper (along with his dad), making sure he gets all the chores done that have been assigned to him by his father, and goes straight to work and straight home, and has no social life. Because of Michael's age, I've never tried to fill a parental role, other than being a responsible adult and (hopefully) good female role model. As well as enforcing the rules as outlined by Calvin. There have been nights, though, where I've sat up worrying because it's 1:00 a.m. and he's not home yet. So I've sat on the couch and waited for him, and when he finally does come in, we've had heart to heart talks that have lasted until 4:00 in the morning. That's when the parent/friend roles mesh, I think. I've left those conversations feeling like we've made some sort of a *connection*. Then he goes off and screws up some more, and I wonder if I was wasting my breath.My relationship with Marie is a bit different. She still has her mom in her life (every other week), so I leave most of the "mom" stuff up to her. There have been conflicts in that, here and there, where Marie has wanted to involve me in things that her mom thought *she* should be involved in. I am so concerned about not putting Marie in the middle that I'll back off on most things. But don't tell X(f) that. There have also been times, though, where I've had to cover for X(f) in a parental type role, such as Marie's school orientation this year. I'm perfectly willing to do so, but for the most part I listen to Marie's tales of this boy or that friend, and praise her excellent schoolwork, and make sure she's happy at our house. Marie has been suffering the most over the past two years of co-habitation, since she doesn't have her own room. Michael is a rather discourteous roommate, to put it mildly. I poll her every now and then, usually during our nighttime walks with the dogs, to make sure she is still comfortable with "The Schedule". I ask her what she likes the best and the least about being at our house, and what she likes the best and the least about being at her mom's. I ask her if there's anything she needs her dad and I to do differently. For the most part, everything seems to be fine in her little world (especially when she gets her own room). The other evening we all went to Calvin's grandparents. On the way there, both kids commented that we all talk as a family and have good conversations between us, much more than their friends' families do. Both have said on multiple occasions that we're "cool" (accolade of accolades) and we can "talk about anything". As report cards go, them's pretty good scores! If they can feel that way about us, we're doing *something* right. Of course, Calvin has always had an excellent relationship with his kids. Me being new to parenting of any sort, I've just been following his example. He always has good advice to give me on how to communicate (or "deal") with them. I'm learning! Calvin.Saving the best (most important?) for last. Relationships are complex things. Yet simple, too. All I have to do is be a friend, confidant, advisor, cheerleader, lover, nag, sounding board, partner in crime, and supporter. The part I have the hardest time with is knowing when to take off the "I'm the girlfriend so you have to take care of mememe" hat and put on the "This isn't about me, be a friend" hat. My girl brain says "Gee, he's distant tonight. Did I do something to make him mad?" His boy brain says "Feh, I'm tired tonight. Wonder what's on T.V.?" Then I nag him with "What's wrong?" questions and refuse to accept his "Nothing." answer until I *create* the problem and there now *is* something wrong. I'm an idiot. Yet he still loves me. Who woulda thunk?We don't have a perfect relationship. There is no such thing. I miss things, and he misses things. Sometimes I give more, sometimes he gives more. It all balances out in the end. What we do have is a *solid* relationship, and one that's as close to perfect as two imperfect humans can be in. I'm one of those nesting persons (I'm a Cancer, after all) who needs somebody to take care of. I get just as much out of caring for someone as I do in getting cared for myself. That is, if the person I care for appreciates what I do. Which Calvin does, and reciprocates. If I don't remember to thank you for the life-saving coffee you provide and the sweet way you wake me up every morning, Calvin, just kick me once in a while and straighten my butt out. I think the most important thing(s) to remember when in a relationship is appreciate what you have. Don't take anything for granted. What you thought of as sweet in the first week you were together is still just as sweet two years down the road. Don't sweat the small stuff. Learn from every argument you have. And don't just *say* "I love you". Demonstrate it. Often. ***** I do love my crazy little life. I think of how much I've evolved in the past 10 years, five years, *two* years, and it boggles my mind. I feel the same way inside my head now as I did when I was sixteen, but I *know* so much more. I have so much more confidence. I feel like there's nothing I can't learn, or handle, or accomplish, given enough time. Sure, my brain feels like it's stretching and exceeding the capacity of my skull at times. And I spend a lot of time wishing things would slow down, just a little. Sure beats the hell out of being stagnant, though! |