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Momentary Thought
Doesn't it just figure that on the one day that I want to be distracted from picking up the phone and dialing, I have absolutely NO meetings scheduled?
High/Low
High: Buffy!
Low: Calvin and I fussing at each other.
Current Obsession
The digital camera will only take about six pictures before the battery dies - even though it's registered as fully charged. Time to get a new battery, I guess. It's aggravating, though, when you've got *the* perfect shot, and the camera is all "I think not."
Grin Source
Last weekend when Calvin and I went up north with AB and M, we stopped at a store to look at some costumes for AB's daughter. I spied a tiara and said "Look, Calvin! Can I be a princess?" He replied "No, but do they have any bitch hats?"
Singing
Hey, man, I'm alive
I'm takin' each day and night at a time
Bon Jovi - "Saturday Night"
A Year Ago
More or less
I pooh-pooh class reunions.
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Dramatis Personnae
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Recipes
More specifically, I went to couch angry last night. The reason Calvin and I argued is stupid and irrelevant. The upshot of it was that he was perverse and I was annoyed. He wanted to continue to watch TV in the bedroom while I wanted to go to sleep, so I rolled over and gave him a baleful eye, then put my robe on and huffed out of the room.
He/She with the issue, gets the couch, after all. There is no getting "kicked out" of the bedroom in this household. I turned off the lights in the house (Marie insists on leaving them on when she goes upstairs for the night - something about not wanting to leave the darkened house at her back as she climbs the stairs). I lied (lay? layed?) on the couch and slipped around because my terrycloth robe couldn't find purchase on the smooth leather. I listened to the refrigerator cycle, and the dogs mess around in the back yard, and the neighbor's air conditioner (loud through the open skylights). I heard the TV continue to play in the bedroom, and Calvin get up once to go to the bathroom. I heard Marie trying on what seemed like every clunky pair of shoes she owned and do the catwalk overhead in front of her bathroom mirror (at least, that's what I assume she was doing). I was just dozing off when light blazed in my eyes - Marie turned on the hall light. She blinked down at me and said "Oh! Sorry, Laura," and went back into her bedroom. I looked at the clock - 11:45. It was a measure of my disgruntlement that I didn't even think to question why Marie was up so late on a school night.
Irritated, I got up and went back into the bedroom. Calvin was (of course!) asleep in front of the T.V. I turned it off in a huff and flopped ("Oh, sorry, did I wake you?") into bed, yanking at the covers to get my share.
The problem is, no matter how hard I try, I can't stay mad at Calvin. Even when he fully deserves it (and he does, although I'm not completely innocent in the blame department). Usually Calvin wakes me up in the morning, gently teasing and usually nice about it. This morning he didn't (hint #1 that he was still mad). When he leaves in the morning, I get up and give him a hug and a kiss. This morning I didn't (hint #2 that I was still mad). He did bend over me and give me a kiss on the cheek, but I was stalwart (while my conscience was saying "Get up and hug him, you bitchy idiot!") and lay with my eyes squinched shut.
My anger lasted until about halfway through my shower.
That's the problem with showers, for me. I don't know what it is, but whenever I'm irritated, I can't hang onto my irritation in the shower. Forgive the maudlin association, but it's like my irritation gets washed down the drain along with the soap. So I was scrubbing away at my head, getting less angry with Calvin and more angry at myself for allowing my anger at Calvin to slip away like that. If you follow me. I just can't stick to my guns.
Weak Smarmy Laura: "Just call him when you get to work."
Bitchy Devil Laura: "No! You're mad at him! Don't make the first move!"
Weak Smarmy Laura: "But I didn't say goodbye this morning."
Bitchy Devil Laura: "So what! He probably didn't notice! Like he won't notice when you don't call him! Men!"
Weak Smarmy Laura: "But what if I hurt his feelings?"
Bitchy Devil Laura: "Bah! He's a man! Men don't have feelings! Besides, he didn't worry about *your* feelings last night, did he?"
Weak Smarmy Laura: "He really doesn't ask that much of me..."
Bitchy Devil Laura: "Bullshit! He complains all the time!"
Weak Smarmy Laura: "I think I'll make a list of all his good qualities, to remind myself."
Bitchy Devil Laura: "Oh, give me a break."
Weak Smarmy Laura: "Looking at his picture on my desk still gives me butterflys."
Bitchy Devil Laura: "I think I'm gonna be sick..."
I really don't know what is worse - us being mad at each other, or me being mad at him and him being completely oblivious to it. He never does notice this little war that goes on within me, between my maligned side and my guilty side. On the one hand, I feel completely justified in my hurt and anger. On the other hand I feel guilty that I might not be justified at all. On the one hand, I want to stick to my guns until he apologizes first. On the other hand, I want to call him and say I'm sorry. On the one hand, I want him to realize how right I am and promise to do better. On the other hand, I want to promise to try harder to make him happy.
I HATE being a girl like that. And I'm running out of hands.
As of right this second, I'm sticking to it and waiting for him to call first. But if you readers want to ask Calvin later on tonight, I'm sure he'll tell you that I made up some excuse of why I "had" to call him. I'll make the first move, I'm sure.
Dammit.
********************
Update: Yep. Two minutes after I saved and closed that entry, I picked up the phone and called Calvin. I was right, he didn't even give our argument of last night a thought, nor was he considering calling me to give me a heartfelt apology. And I quote, "Well, I didn't know what your problem was last night. I thought you had no reason to be irritated." To which I responded, "I know, honey, I know you had no clue. It's just your failing as a man."
I told him that I was still annoyed, but I wrote about it and now I feel better. He said "Great, I get another letter tonight?" (I tend to write him epics when I have issue. Sometimes I fold them up Study Hall Style.) I said "Nope, I wrote an entry."
"Oh, great," he says. "Air our issues to the world. First it's all 'Calvin's so great. Calvin's so wonderful..."
...'Calvin's a dick'."
He laughed. I laughed. All better. Yeesh, I'm weak.