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October 14, 2005"Books is stoopid."Hello. Right from the very, very beginning, I have never made a secret of how very much I love, adore, and admire Calvin. He's smart, he's funny, he's sessy, and he's overwhelmingly capable. I could have never chosen a better candidate to be my husband and best friend. With that said... there's one aspect of his personality (personal preferences? attitude?) that I just can't understand. At all. It is rapidly becoming THE most frustrating thing about him. Even more frustrating than his habit of teasing me to death after we've gone to bed and I want to sleep. Even more annoying than his habit of gleefully showcasing his farts. Even more exasperating than his habit of leaving his shoes strewn all over the bedroom floor. Calvin thinks books are stupid. I know! I'll just let you digest the magnificent irony of that statement. By way of offering a reason, Calvin claims that he digests information and learns more effectively when said information is presented in video format. I.E., the movie is better than the book. He'd rather watch a Discovery Channel program about snakes than read a book about snakes. He'd rather watch a documentary about WWII than read a history book about WWII. He'd rather watch the movie version of "Sahara" than read Clive Cussler's book. The ability to watch Callista Flockhart prance around in "A Midsummer Night's Dream" is the only thing that gave Calvin an inkling of an iota of a chance to be introduced to Shakespeare in any shape, form, or manner. And even then the dialogue bugged the crap out of him. So he kept an eye out for the boobies and was mostly content. Even as an avid book reader, founder of "The Book Is ALWAYS Better Than The Movie" club, I can understand that. Not everyone loves to read as much as I do. Many people, as is the case with Calvin, consider reading a book to be a sure fire cure for insomnia. They couldn't think of anything more boring to do, and when given the choice would rather take a nap or perhaps go to the dentist. It certainly baffles Calvin that I can sit for hours at a time a devour an entire book (or two, or three) in one day. Again, that lack of comprehension is fine by me. What I don't get, and certainly don't get behind, is the attitude (yes, ATTITUDE, Calvin) that he gives me when I read. The HUGE huff. The, "What, are you reading again?!?" The, "How many times have you read THAT one?" The, "You'd rather read a stupid book than spend time with me." The rolling eyes. The, "Books is stupid." The, "Don't you have something else to do?" The, "Put the stupid book down." And finally, the actual anger that occasionally surfaces. Okay, fine. I could understand all of that if I had my nose in a book 24 hours a day. If I read at the expense of my family, or at the expense of my job. If the world and the household fell apart around my ears while I read on, oblivious. If I put reading above any other priority. If I closeted myself away, alone and apart from everyone, and insisted on being left alone as I read book after book. If I spent thousands of dollars and put us in debt to increase my book collection. If I spent more time at the library than I did anyplace else. Folks, that ain't the way of it. I don't even read on a daily basis. And when I do, the most I get the opportunity for is maybe an hour or so. Here are the circumstances at and during which Calvin takes umbrage. If I'm sitting on the couch next to him, reading while he's watching TV. While simultaneously rubbing his feet. If I'm sitting on the couch next to him while he's surfing the web on his laptop. If I'm laying on the bed reading while he's on the computer in the bedroom. If I'm reading while he's taking a nap (he wakes up, comes stumbling into the living room, sees me reading on the couch, grumps, "It figures," and stumbles back into the bedroom). If he's tired and I'm not, so I stay up and read (especially if I'm tired the next night and he's not ready to go to bed yet... "Oh, you can stay up all night and read, but you can't stay up and spend time with me!"). If there is any time that I show less than complete enthusiasm and interest in something he wants us to do ("Oh, I guess you'd rather lay around and READ, huh?"). I wonder if you all are starting to feel my frustration? Calvin has never, ever been able to give me any kind of explanation as to why it irritates him so much when I read. Since I'm usually doing it in the same room that he's in, he can't use the "lack of attention" card. I just can't figure out what the difference is between sitting next to him watching TV, and sitting next to him reading a book. I have to be watching TV, too. GAH. It bugs the crap out of me. Why does he make it such a big fucking deal when I want to read? Comments on this entry? Head on over to The Blog!
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