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Momentary Thought
Today's topic came from Topic Du Jour.
High/Low
High: The Diamondbacks won the World Series! Calvin's calling me a fair weather fan, since I was complaining bitterly about their 4th and 5th game performance, and didn't want to watch after the 8th inning when the Yankees tied it up. But I watched the last two batters, and saw Gonzo hit the "blooper" single that won the game. Rocky Socky!
Low: A week full of meetings, and I shall get naught accomplished.
Current Obsession
The "Lord of the Rings" movie. I'll be in line on opening day!
Grin Source
At the mall today, overheard during lunch:
"Mama, I wanna Happy Meal."
"Well, we went yesterday and Mama wants something else."
"No, Mama, I'm being cereal, now!"
I think he meant "serious".
Singing
I don't think you trust...
in...
my...
self-righteous suicide.
System of a Down - "Chop Suey"
A Year Ago
More or less
The 30-Step Program to Home Improvement Hell
Storyteller
Bio
Dramatis Personnae
Who I Read
Recipes
It used to be just Mama and me. She got me when I was really little - I kind of remember my brothers and sisters, but mostly I remember climbing in Mama's lap as she sat on the ground, watching my brothers and sisters play. I was never much for playing, I like sitting. And panting. And getting petted. And getting treats. So when Mama sat down to watch the others, I kind of sat off to one side and looked at her for a minute. She coo'ed at me, and I bounced over - I'm not prone to exercise, but I figured it would be good to present myself with a bit of energy. I didn't leave Mama's lap the whole time, and in the end she told my owners that I chose her, not the other way around.
Mama went to PetSmart while my owners got my papers together, and separated me from my brothers and sisters. Mama came back with a carrying case to take me home in. She held me while she exchanged papers with my owners, and then put me in the carrier. I didn't like the carrier - I whined a lot, and that's when Mama first discovered that I can yodel. I also messed in my carrier, which upset me a lot. It upset Mama, too. She stopped at another PetSmart but had to clean me off somehow before we went in the store. She had an old t-shirt in the back seat of her car, and used it to clean me off. I think she threw it away.
I got to ride in the cart! That was fun, but I felt very small. Mama thought I was too small, too, so she picked me up and carried me. I wasn't feeling so good, with all the running around and car motion. When Mama put me on the floor so she could put a bag of food in the cart, I was perfectly happy to just sit at her feet and be still.
I had to go back in the carrier again, but it was for just a short while because we were close to home. Mama put me down in the rocks in the front yard and kept asking me some question, or telling me to do something, and then she got very excited when I squatted and peed. I got pats and treats for that, so the next time we went out in the rocks, I did it again. "Doing my business" is fun! And it applies to poo, too, but it took me longer to figure that out. Mama gets very mad when she steps in my poo in bare feet in the middle of the night.
Until I got the "business" thing down, Mama kept me in the kitchen behind a puppy gate. She says it's easier to clean linoleum than carpet. I like peeing on carpet better - it doesn't spatter my belly. I didn't like the gate - I wanted to sleep in Mama's room. So I yodeled for the first couple of nights. It didn't seem to work - Mama ignored me the first night. The second night she gave me my lamb, which squeaked when I played with it. I liked that, and I liked laying on it in the kitchen. I whined only a little the second night, and then no more after that. It didn't take me long to learn my "business" was outside. Mama would take me out first thing in the morning, once before she went to work, once at lunch, right when she got home at night, after dinner, and right before bedtime.
Then I got to sleep in Mama's room!
After I got all my shots (I HATE shots, but I like the ladies at the vet's. They give me treats), Mama and I went to the park a lot, and lots of people petted me. I didn't like to play with the other dogs, though, and little kids always wanted to pull on my ears. I liked it better when Mama took me to Mill Avenue, because there are lots of nice smells and restaurants that have outdoor seating right along the sidewalk. There were *lots* of treats there. Other times, Mama and I would sit on the floor in front of the TV, and she'd share her dinner with me.
When I was six months old, Alpha Man moved in with Mama. I'd met him before, and he had a nice voice and kind hands. Before he lived with Mama, he'd let himself in and leave flowers for her as a surprise. I loved to hear his voice, because that meant many pats and maybe some treats! And so I would wag my tail as hard as I could, and he'd come over to me and sometimes he'd pick me up. Getting picked up worries me, and I tuck my tail under me to try to hold myself up. But I like to make Alpha Man happy, and so I make my eyes big and my ears small, and give him kisses. I learned from Mama that "Don't you kiss me" means don't lick her face, but put my nose close to her nose and smile. I do that with Alpha Man, too, and he likes it. And then he moved in, and I get to see him all the time. I think I love him.
I sometimes get in trouble with Alpha Man. Then he hollers really loud and I try to make myself flat on the floor. Sometimes I make a puddle, and that makes him madder. Alpha Man doesn't like it when I eat the ferret's poo. But I love the ferret's poo so much that I can't help it. I snack when I think he isn't looking, but he catches me a lot. Then I get put outside and scolded. But I just can't help myself when it comes to ferret poo. Alpha Man is always nice again, soon, though. I rarely need spankings. Not like Kye and Gadget.
I love Alpha Man very, very much. My second favorite thing in the world is when he's paying attention to me. My first favorite thing in the world is getting treats. I love Mama a lot, too, especially when I'm in trouble with Alpha Man. But it's not the same as my love for Alpha Man. He makes me wag my tail the hardest.
Soon after Alpha Man moved in, I met Boy and Girl. They were very nice and had lots of pats for me. I like it when they give me treats and take me for walks. Girl tries to get me to go up and down the stairs a lot, but now that they're slippery tile, I don't like it as much. I whine and shift my feet on the bottom stair, but Girl is nice and says friendly words, so I go up to her and she gives me pats. I don't like going up the stairs when Kye is in, though. She knocks me over. I like going camping with Girl and Boy. They know that I won't do my business in their sleeping bags, so I get to sleep with them. Gadget does too, but Kye is too big and dumb.
Gadget moved in when I was a year old. I tried to take it upon myself to teach him some manners, but he wouldn't learn. I had to keep him company at night, and because he wouldn't learn his "business" very quickly at all, I had to sleep outside with him instead of in Mama's room. Stupid Gadget. He ruined everything. After that, I had to share all my treats, and share my attention. I had to cover for him when he was bad. I even tried to fill in the holes he dug! That made Alpha Man laugh, but Gadget still got in trouble. I'm the Good Dog. Gadget is *not*.
Gadget liked to play a lot, and when I saw that it made Mama and Alpha Man happy to see us wrestle, I tolerated his exuberance. He tired me out, though, and I had to develop my Gruff Bark to keep him in line. I was here first, after all. I can't have him being insubordinate. But he grew on me, and we became good friends. He's just a trouble maker. Like that time that Boy accidentally left the back gate open. I *told* Gadget not to leave the yard, but he wouldn't listen to me. Mama was very happy to see me still in the yard when they came home, but she was very upset that Gadget was gone. Mama and I wandered around the neighborhood looking for him, and I tried as hard as I could to smell him. Mama cried a lot, and I felt bad. Then I went for a ride with Alpha Man, Boy, and Girl in the truck, and Mama went to work to make posters. We drove slow and everyone hollered out the windows for Gadget. We finally found him, lost in the park, and boy was he happy to see us! I scolded him a lot for running off like that. But he won't listen, and he'll run off again if he gets the chance.
We had to adjust again when Kye came into the picture. I've never met a more stupid dog in my entire life. I gave up trying to teach her the manners that I knew would make Mama and Alpha Male happy. I let Gadget take over and use Kye as his primary playmate. To tell the truth, I was relieved, even though Gadget is only a fraction of the size of Kye. I'm fully grown, and she was bigger than me when she was first brought home as a puppy! But Gadget and Kye play together, and I only have to use my Gruff Bark every now and then when Kye forgets to be gentle and steps on me. Kye listens to my Gruff Bark - she ignores Gadget's, and he gets stepped on a lot. But he lays on her now, instead of me, when it's cold. Gadget doesn't believe in personal space, and now he's taught Kye not to believe in it, either. It's one thing when an eight pound idiot lays on you, it's another thing when a seventy pound idiot lays on you.
I used to eat my food like a lady, but when Gadget and Kye came on the scene, I had to start eating very fast so they wouldn't get my food. I've even tried to get them to give up their food, since I'm done long before them. That's one of the things that makes Alpha Man give me a spanking, but, like ferret poo, I can't help myself. Mama and Alpha Man are smarter than me, though. They feed me inside and feed the other dogs outside, and I don't get a chance to take their food. I still eat really fast, though. If they're not paying attention, I can still try to steal a ferret poo snack. But with ferret food comes ferret *bedding*, and it's making me cough a lot. Mama says I'm dumb. I say she should change the bedding.
I'm still the best behaved dog, and Mama and Alpha Man know they can count on me to not dig holes, chew anything, mark anything, or run away. Gadget and Kye bark at everything, and Mama and Alpha Man ignore them. But if I'm barking, too, they know that there really is Something To Bark About. Unless it's a hot air balloon. They just terrify me. They're monstrous, and loud, and make a disturbing hissing growling noise. Right above my head, where I can't see well. I have a short neck. I press myself up against Mama and Alpha Man's bedroom door, and whine hard. Alpha Man just calls me stupid and laughs at me, but Mama usually lets me in if I make my Eyes at her. She can't resist my Eyes.
I am a dog with a lot of feelings. I get my feelings hurt sometimes, when I'm bad, or when Mama or Alpha Man doesn't pay enough attention to me. I especially hate it when I can see in through the patio doors, and they're sitting at the kitchen table, and they're not letting me in. I'm really good at keeping the floors clean, but they don't take advantage of that feature very often. They say I'm too fat. I say I'm full bodied. My happiest time of the day is when I'm about to get fed. I know when it's going to happen because Mama or Alpha Man, or sometimes Girl, comes out and gets Gadget and Kye's dishes. Then they let me in, and leave the other dogs out, and Mama sings "It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Night!" while I run into the kitchen with my tail going as hard as it will go.
Food makes me very, very happy. And whatever a Tootsie Roll with Legs is, I'm happy to be it if it means many treats.