November 1, 2002

Better after a nap.

It's 4:00 on Friday afternoon and I've just woken up from a short nap. If I get up right when I wake up - usually anywhere between 20 and 45 minutes - I feel better for it. If I force myself back to sleep, for some reason under the impression that 20 minutes of sleep could *never* be enough for how tired I was, then I feel like crap for the rest of the day.

Or "carp", which is what I typed first.

This time I was good after a half an hour. And got in some snuggle time with Oz, who was feeling friendly. That's rare, lately - he's going through his teen hellion stage. When he's not aloof, then all he wants to do is tussle.

I just kind of reached the end of my endurance today, right after my 2:00 meeting. I'd originally told my boss I was planning on working through lunch so I could leave at 4:00. After the meeting, I told her I was going to burn an hour of PA and just leave at 3:00. She looked sympathetic, which she should. She's been present for the occasions that have tired me out so.

I'd mentioned, somewhere here or in the blog, that I was interviewing for another position. It's still reporting to the manager I have now, but it's for a full engineer position (salaried), instead of the tech position I hold right now (hourly). Wednesday I was called back for a *third* interview (a good sign). And it was a toughie. High up muckety mucks with the hard questions and the stonewall expressions.

I know it's down to me and one other candidate. So the decision of whether or not I get the position is based entirely on my performance in that interview. Stress, much? I mean, if I don't get the position, nothing changes. I'm no worse off than I am right at this very second. But it's a goal I've been working toward for the past three years - taking every bit of advice and every suggestion from my various managers on what to do to achieve that goal, and doing it.

Three weeks of interviewing and wondering and interviewing again and (tentatively) getting my hopes up and interviewing *again* and sweating bullets and fidgeting has plumb worn me right out. My manager tells me I should hear something by early next week. Great. Make me sweat out another weekend, why dontcha?

Boss Lady has been great, though, and very supportive. When this is all said and done, I'm taking her out to lunch, regardless of the outcome. She's really been pulling for me and it's nice to know that someone has that much confidence in me.

For now, though, I'm whupped. The interviewing, on top of just normal everyday job stuff, on top of holiday shopping anticipation, on top of my stupid elbows that hurt like a bitch every single day, on top of my monthly *visitor* (which is totally kicking my ass this go around, for some reason), has reduced me to a near-vegetative state. This morning I dragged myself out of bed at 7:10, showered, threw my hair up into a pony, pulled on jeans and a t-shirt and sneakers, and that's what the people of AcronymCo have had to look at today. Blah.

On top of all of that is the fact that (if you look at my blog) I've done *no* exercise and eaten (nearly) *no* fruits and veggies for the last two weeks. Yeah, that's healthy. But the way I feel right now, getting up off my ass and doing something about that has zero appeal.

Wah wah wah. This too shall pass. Calvin has been his usual supportive self, and in fact just left the room after delivering on of his pep talks. And I *do* feel better. He's cool.

And I'm off to do what my boss said to do - don't worry about things, and enjoy my weekend.

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©Laura Charon 2000 - 2002.