Gee, that was gloomy, wasn't it? Sorry.
Onward and upward! To your assured delight, I offer to you the *top secret recipes* (huh, not anymore) of our Christmas Dinner Extraordinaire.
Boiled Lobster
- Live, snapping, wriggling lobsters (1-2 pounders)- Salted water
- Drawn butter, seasoned with garlic powder and basil
Get out a big pot. I'm talking huge, the biggest you've got. Bigger than that, even. Fill it 3/4 full of cold, salted water. Bring to a rolling boil. Drop the live lobster into the boiling water (sometimes they "scream", sometimes they don't - this is *not* a task for the squeamish). Return water to a rolling boil. Boil lobsters for fifteen minutes. They will turn bright red. Wouldn't you, if you were boiled alive? Serve with drawn butter.
For those of you who don't know (and I can't remember a time that I *didn't* know how, being from Maine), here's how you dig into a lobster (or you can go to Cape Porpoise Lobster's website and look at their instructions under "Nutritional Info" - complete with diagram!):
- Start with the two big claws. Grab them at the base of the claw, where they attach to the body. Remove with a twisting/pulling motion. Using those little pick thingies you use to remove the nutmeat out of a nut (heh - that sounded nasty, huh?), remove the meat from the claw and the joints. A nutcracker may be required for harder shelled lobster to remove the meat from the main part of the claw. Rest assured, this is the *best* part of the lobster.
- Next is the tail. Grab the tail at the base where it attaches to the body. Using a back and forth/pulling motion, remove it from the body. (Ignore the ookey green gunk in the body at this time.) At the end of the tail, observe the flat shaped flippers (usually three or four) attached. Remove these, revealing a slot at the end of the shell perfect for fitting the end of a fork into. Fit the end of a fork into it, stabbing into the tail meat. Push the meat up through the tail shell out the large opening which was where the tail was attached to the body. Remove the center vein from the top of the tail meat - this can be accomplished by grabbing the straggly pieces of meat which probably have some of that ookey green gunk on it and pulling.
- See the set of (usually) six little legs on the underside of the body? They've got eeny-weeny pieces of meat in 'em. Snap off the ends of the legs and suck the meat out. Usually more work than I prefer to bother with, myself.
- There's rib meat on the underside of the body shell, if you break the back open and remove the "guts" of the lobster. Again, usually more work than I bother with.
- Now we get to the Tomalley. The ookey green stuff. This is the lobster's liver. There's other stuff in there, too, that's pink, and white, and gooey, and gross. All this stuff is considered a delicacy by some crazy people. All I know is, my grandmother's cat sure as hell used to love it. Blech.
Baked Potato Soup
- 4 lg baking potatoes- 2/3 cup butter
- 2/3 cup flour
- 1 1/2 quart milk
- Salt and Pepper
- 4 green onions
- 1 cup sour cream
- 2 cups crisp-cooked bacon, crumbled
- 5 oz. grated cheddar cheese
Heat oven to 350 degrees and baked the potatoes until tender (1-1.5 hours). Melt butter in a large soup pot. Slowly blend flour in with a wire whisk until thoroughly blended. Gradually add milk to the butter-flour mixture, whisking constantly. Whisk in the salt and pepper (and don't we love us some whisking by now!) and simmer over low heat, stirring constantly. Cut potatoes in half, scoop out the meat and set aside. Chop half the potato peels and discard the remainder (this part is optional, I personally don't do it). When milk mixture is very hot, whisk (whisking is our life, after all!) in the potato. Add green onion and (optional) potato peels. Whisk (whisk whisk whisk) well, add sour cream and crumbled bacon. Heat thoroughly. Add cheese a little at a time until all is melted in.
I'm making a double batch of this stuff. It tends to go fast.
Killer Fudge
- 4 cups sugar- 1/4 cup butter
- 12 oz can evaporated milk
- 4 cups semi-sweet chocolate chips (24-28 oz)
- 11.5 oz package milk chocolate chips
- 2 oz unsweetened baking chocolate (or 2 squares)
- 14 oz marshmallow creme
- 2 tsp vanilla extract
- 4 cups chopped nuts (optional)
Place sugar, butter and milk in a heavy sauce pan and bring to a boil under medium heat. Boil for 8 minutes, stirring frequently.
Place the chocolates, marshmallow, and vanilla in a large, heat-safe bowl or saucepan. Pour boiled mixture over remaining ingredients. Mix thoroughly. Pour mixture into buttered 6X10 or 9X11 pan. Allow to cool before cutting.
This makes a huge batch of thick, soft fudge. Not the dry, crusty kind. We usually have it left over for months, and are sick of it by New Year's.
Magic Cookie Bars
- 1/2 cup margerine or butter- 1 1/2 cup graham cracker crumbs
- 1 (14 oz.) can sweetened condensed milk
- 1 (6 oz.) package semi-sweet chocolate chips
- 1 1/3 cup flaked coconut
- 1 cup chopped nuts
Preheat oven to 350 degrees (325 for a glass dish). In a 13X9 inch baking pan, melt margerine in oven. Sprinkle graham cracker crumbs over margerine. Mix together and press into pan. Pour sweetened condensed milk evenly over crumbs. Top evenly with remaining ingredients; press down firmly. Bake 25 to 30 minutes or until lightly browned. Allow to cool before cutting.
I swear to God, we're all going to gain 15 pounds over this holiday.