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Right now I'm |
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December 16, 2002It's good to have goals.In exactly five days, sixteen meetings (literally, and that's only as of writing this on Monday morning), five hurriedly scarfed working lunches, three presentations, two analyses, and a happy hour, I will be off for twelve blissful, straight days. Well, let me clarify. The days will be blissful, and they will be all in a row. It remains to be seen if they will be straight. My guess is, not entirely. Time off around the holidays is different than vacation time. There are no travel plans. No plane tickets, no packing, no arrangements to get the dogs (and now, cat!) fed. There are no lists (it boggles the mind, doesn't it?). There's just the anticipation of gleeful slackardly days, sprinkled with a few family obligations, lots of food, the smell of pine, and prrrrrrrresents. Me being, well, me, I have to start organizing myself. Planning some structure, because for some reason I can't be completely without it. I mean, good God! Twelve days of waking up in the morning and not having a useful thing in mind to accomplish! The very idea! So. I'm setting plans that I know, in my increasingly pragmatic mind, will not be met. There will be guilt at not accomplishing them, followed by resentment at myself for even bothering to set myself up for failure. And yet, and yet, there is this niggling thing in the back of my mind that whispers, "Think of how great it will feel, to stick to a plan for once in my damned life." Because that, there - the knowledge that I can set a plan in motion and stick to it - will give me the impetus to accomplish the really big things. The saving enough money for Hawaii. The loss of fifteen pounds. The getting out of debt. The acquisition of my degree. Do you see? Do you see how important these next two weeks are? They are the proving ground against which I will measure my discipline, my willpower, my strength to achieve the lofty and weighty goals I have set in my mind. This climactic thing I'm building up, well, isn't so much. We're not talking about overwhelmingly complicated goals, here. These are not things to make the stalwart of heart weep. In some cases, they're even vague and non-specific (that actually being what "vague" means). They are simple and few - and by that very fact I hope to actually acquire some sticktoitiveness. Do something nice for each member of my family, every day. Calvin has been suffering the most from my distracted nature as of late, so maybe I'll do a bunch of "something nice's" for him. There are a whole slew of the "little things" that I used to pepper our relationship with (that "used to" isn't SO long ago, by the way). Then I got to feeling unwell, work got waaaay busy (on top of taking advantage of the overtime offered to me), the stress of the holidays hit, and voila! You have a recipe for neglect. Or, well, not so much neglect as just not paying attention, or not making small efforts. I've found that a payed-attention-to Calvin is a happy Calvin. I think Marie could use some one-on-one time, too. Michael is home, and while that is always a completely positive thing, I think she starts to feel a little neglected since he garners SO MUCH attention from everyone when he's home. Of course, since we see so little of Michael anymore, he's in line for a little spoiling, himself. So! It is my intent to become very family oriented. And stay that way, after the holidays are over. There can never be too much love, after all. Work out every day. And with that, eat the way my nutritionist has instructed me. I go back on the 2nd, and I want to be able to display my nutritional breakdown proudly as evidence of my obedience and discipline. It's proving harder than I thought, though. Here's what he wants me to do: 5-7 grams of fat per meal, or no more than 25-35 grams in a day. 30-50 grams of carbs per meal, or 175-200 grams per day. 15-20 grams of protein per meal, or 60-100 grams in a day. In a day, I'm to have 15-25 percent calories from fat, 45-60 percent calories from carbs, 15-30 percent calories from protein. AND, I'm only to go as low as 45 percent calories from carbs for NO MORE THAN two consecutive days - he really wants me up much higher (because "fat burns on a fire of carbohydrates"). I was surprised that I wasn't eating enough carbs - I guess I've been "anti-carb" for so long I actually did myself ill. What did make me happy was that he said my overall caloric intake was right on the money - just the ratio of fat/protein/carbs was wrong. What this means is that I'm updating my 'blog and analysing my food intake on FitDay like a woman obsessed. For exercise, I'm to do cardio three days per week, at least twenty minutes per session, and weight training two days per week. I am to ensure that my cardio exercise is aerobic by doing the "Talk Test" - being able to speak 4-6 words before having to take the next deep breath. All of this is to boost my energy (more carbs) so I can move more and work out, which will boost my metabolism, which will allow me to burn fat. Pant. It's all so very complicated. Write a journal entry every day (note, this actually starts on the 21st, so don't give me a hard time if you don't hear from me until then). I actually had an interesting conversation with Calvin about this, and then again later with Heather. I feel stifled, sometimes, when I write for this website. Keeping it to the "clean" laundry. Issues with family members that I need to be discreet about. Not bitching about AcronymCo so much to the point that I'd get fired if this website were ever "discovered". I get a little resentful, because first and foremost, I write for me. I should be able to write about whatever is on my mind, because that's what my website is for. I'm not looking for attention, or publicity, or millions of e-mails from fans telling me how great I am (improving), how perfect my life is (pretty nearly, yes), how wonderful my family is (terrific, even), and whatnot. That stuff is just a happy side effect. I've always needed to vent, and capture memories, and write myself out. I happen to type faster than I can write, I enjoy website development, and I find it interesting and fun to be part of an on-line community. Whew. End of rant. ANYway, I want to get back into the writerly fashion. So much has been happening in life, mundane and not so much so, that I've been neglecting to write about. I need to find a happy compromise between the need to write, and the stuff that I need to keep less public. What that will probably mean is keeping a personal journal, as well as my public one. Lots of OLJ-ers do that. So, as long as I tell Calvin where it is (heh), that might be the solution to my problem. So I shall write. At least something, every day. With pictures! Because there just can't be enough pictures of Oz. And there's so much to write about. Which I shall list, in hopes that someday I might actually be able to expound upon them:
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