I made Bill laugh until he almost pee’d.
We went to bed the other night, and has been my habit of late, I fell into a deep sleep almost immediately. About forty-five minutes went by. Suddenly, I hurled out of bed, startled by a noise, and slapped the alarm clock. Then stood there blinking at it. I couldn’t figure out why it read 10:45 p.m. and not 5:50 a.m.
From the bed I heard Bill call, “Tiff? What are you doing?” I responded, “Um, turning off the alarm?” He started CRACKING UP. Simultaneously, I realized that the sound I’d mistaken for the alarm was, in fact, HIS ASS. Which, in all actuality, sounds nothing like our alarm clock. I guess my body was just prepared to accept that any LOUD, JOLTING NOISE was the prompt to get the hell up.
Seriously, he didn’t stop laughing for a good ten minutes. It got so bad that I said, “If you’re going to keep laughing like that, you can just go SLEEP ON THE COUCH.”
This is my life, people.
Gosh. Ya’ll are right! What HAVE I been missing out by not having a boy around 24-7?!?!
Ew.
Do I lose my girl card that it took me a couple of minutes to stop laughing at that too?
I think that just earns you your man card. Void where prohibited.
Oh, I know. Your’e so deprived. Really.
Oh lord. Now *I* can’t stop laughing.
Though really I think that if his ass can make noises loud enough to jolt you out of a deep sleep like that, it really should have been YOU laughing at HIM, not the other way around!
Wow. I used my other email address by mistake and instead of my usual avatar there’s an incredibly frightening cartoon face next to my comment. Which is sort of how I look when I haven’t had enough sleep and have compensated with too much coffee.
LOL! You have my sympathies.
While Roxanne is supposed to be my ears, because of the roofing business on the property, she has learned to ignore noises outside that don’t have to do directly with the house.
So, meaning, if the horses got out, she’d sleep through it. Or if deer decided to munch on the lettuce that’s in a planter next to the carport, she’d care less.
Knowing this, that we live on a somewhat busy-ish corner where 9 accidents have happened since we moved in 8 months ago, and that Casey is BLACK, I tend to worry a lot about the horses.
For a few months, I’d often sit bolt upright from a dead sleep worried the horses had gotten out because I’d heard a noise that sounded like it was on the driveway. Bad Pants always got up dutifully and checked on them with me, sometimes 2-3 times a night.
One night, after finally being fed up with this routine, he informed me it was just Roxanne’s nails on the wall (closet door, night stand, etc) and that she was dreaming and making the tapping noise that always sends me into a panic. While that knowledge helped, now I would wake him up to tell me if it was the dog or if the horses were out.
Hot wire was quickly strung around the pasture shortly there after. I’ve slept like a baby ever since, only worrying if I knew the solar charger was off. Unfortunately, the solar charger is no longer working.
Waking up to Bill’s rear once, thinking it was the alarm clock is better than waking up to the noxious fumes of a Dane and my chili eating husband. Though, I’m sure I get even by making him check on the horses fairly regularly. Oh the joys of hearing impairment!
Bill’s… um… rear… rivals the output of any other beastie on the planet. And that’s all I’m sayin’ about THAT. I actually STILL have nightmares where I think I’ve forgotten to feed/muck out/visit/gate-lock my horse. Since I haven’t had a horse since I was nineteen, that’s a hella lotta neglect.
Sheer, blind panic when you dream that though, huh?
I bought Case a lime green sheet. Mol’s is hot pink. Or, I might reverse it since they’re the same size, just to mess with my guy’s guy landlord. (Boys can’t wear pink, you know!) I’m hoping that in cool/rainy weather, I’ll sleep better knowing they’re easy to see.
That’s hilarious! Reminds me of a cartoon I saw once–two deer hunters stop walking, after one of them farts, the other whispering, “Listen, I think I heard a buck snort!”
Also reminds me of the title of the movie, “The Last Airbender”. It’s a wonderful movie, I purchased the DVD, have watched it once, and will almost certainly watch it again. But I can’t help but laugh at the title. Because, when you really think about it, that’s what you do when you fart–you bend air, literally! That’s why all farts sound different! Everybody’s an airbender!
Okay, Bill’s nickname from now on is The Last Airbender. BWA!
[...] a lot of photos, but I did make Bill laugh until he almost pee’d. And we went to Schnepf Farms to see the peach [...]