Snerkology

I tend to set lofty goals for us at the beginning of each year. Goals to pay off our debt, or to pay it down so far that it might as well be paid off. By “debt” I mean credit cards. EIGHT credit cards, to be exact. My goals (for this year, anyway) do not include paying off the house or the car. Eventually that will be my intent (I’ll probably get started on that as soon as next year), but for right now I’m focusing on those damned credit cards.

Those luscious, pretty, damned credit cards. Did I mention that we have EIGHT of them?

Anyway, in previous years those lofty goals have only met with a modicum of success. Killing off the small accounts, and paying down the bigger accounts. At the end of the year we can usually see an incremental improvement, but not enough to effect (affect? dammit) the amount of money we have to shell out every month. I pay the same amount each month, regardless of the minimums (and some of those amounts are closer to the minimums than others), in order to stay ahead of balances. So until a card is completely paid off, it continues to effect (affect? dammit) our monthly expenses the same.

This year, though. THIS YEAR things are going to be different.

I set realistic goals this year. Goals that are doable. Goals that will become a reality with only a moderate amount of discipline on our part. And in marching along with our plan, we will pay off our total credit card debt by 69% in the year 2011 alone.

I always knew 69 was my favorite number.

How are we doing it? By directly and immediately throwing any extra money at the debt. Tax return? BAM. Bonus? SWOOSH. Accrued savings that we squirrel out of each paycheck? KABLOOEY. It doesn’t linger in the checking account, all tempting in its pretty balance. I don’t say, “Eh, now that I have the funds, I’ll send the payment next week.” Because by next week, that money will have somehow mysteriously disappeared.

We’ll keep chugging away until December, and when we look up from our labors (and barring any sudden and unanticipated financial emergencies like, say, needing a new roof**) we’ll discover that those EIGHT credit card balances have been reduced to ONE card with a balance. Cards are being canceled as they get paid off, so we’re not tempted to run ‘em back up again. We’ll leave only one zero-balance low-limit card for emergencies, the Home Depot card (because we need to do some work on the house and they offer 0% interest on all purchases if we pay ‘em off within six months) and the aforementioned lonely card with the remaining balance, which will be killed in 2012.

We’re on schedule as we speak – three accounts were paid off in January, and two more are getting killed at the end of April.

I keep re-doing the math because I doubt our progress. But it keeps coming out the same.

I hope I don’t come across as boastful. I’m just so darned proud of our progress. After being so discouraged for so long I think I’ve finally discovered how to get out of debt. STOP USING THE CREDIT CARDS.

Who knew?

How did we stop using them? Well, I don’t carry them with me. They’re locked inside my desk at work, so they’re not even at our house to tempt us with weekend impulse purchases. Our mantra has become, “If we can’t pay cash, we don’t need it.” And it’s working pretty darned well thus far.

So. My point is, if you find yourself under a mountain of debt, don’t be discouraged. It’s doable. You can dig out from under it all. It will take time, effort, discipline, and sacrifice. But YOU GUYS, it feels SO GOOD to cut the fuckers up and call the company to cancel the account.

If we, the most consumerist of American consumers, can do it, so can you.

(** No, BILL, I did NOT jinx us by writing this post. Superstitious bastid.)