Him: I’m smarter than you.
Me: Yeah, well, Jesus loves me more.
Him: Oh YEAH? Well He made me FIRST.
Me: OH YEAH? Well He made ME better.
Him: (dammit.)

—–

Him: ACHOO.
Me: Bless you.
Him: ACHOO!
Me: Bless you.
Him: AAAAAHHHHHHHHHHCHHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOO!
Me: BLESS YOU GOD DAMMIT.
Him: I think you just canceled it out.

—–

Him: I’m so going to hell for this.
Me: I’ll miss you.

—–

Me: I deserve a sainthood for putting up with you.
Him: Yeah, well, your halo’s crooked.
Me: What? I’m as pure as the driven snow.
Him: Uh huh. You know what they say about that.
Me: What?
Him: Don’t eat the yellow snow.